Yes, Sirs (Book 1 of Desire's Den)

Chapter 145 - Emma

For a second day in a row, I skipped both school and work. It was easier skipping school, but I felt terrible knowing someone else had to cover my shift. Still, I needed time to sort things out. My emotions were still all over the place; it exhausted me, and I had to take care of myself before I added more to my plate.

On a bright note, I actually got around to figuring out my next step yesterday, like I'd planned to. It was just...hard because the next step wasn't something I was ready for but something I still needed to do. I needed answers, and to get them, I had to talk to the guys. These past couple of days made it clear that if I didn't speak to them, I would never truly move past it because I would always wonder why.

It was the single most hardest choice I'd made—to grow up. When I was a kid, I thought that people over eighteen were adults, but the older I got, the more I learned that it had nothing to do with age and all to do with how you acted and how you handled difficult situations. I'd always dreaded becoming an adult because mature decisions sucked ass, no matter how beneficial they could be.

When Kevin got back yesterday from picking up my stuff, he'd told me about Callan showing up and then Mateo. It hurt to hear about them, but at the same time...it gave me hope that some of what we had was genuine. I mean, they must've cared at least a little if they were trying to seek me out, right?

Abandoning Kevin and Thomas at the dinner table, I walked to the bedroom for privacy. Sitting down on the bed, I finally turned off the flight mode on the phone. I'd avoided my phone like the plague, but it was time to get my ass in gear and deal because if it was one thing I hadn't done these past days it was dealing with the shit that had happened. Instead, I'd fully succumbed to wallowing in self-pity, so much so that Kevin had sent Thomas over while he'd been at work just so I couldn't wallow too much. The joke was on him; Thomas had brought a shit ton of ice cream, and we watched Ps. I love you, the saddest movie ever made—in my opinion—and cried together. If that wasn't the height of wallowing, I didn't know what was.

My heart stuttered in my chest as notifications ticked in on my phone. I didn't know what I'd expected, but the overwhelming amount of both texts and missed calls wasn't it.

Going for the easiest first, I clicked on the missed calls and scrolled down, seeing all the guys—even Gideon, who despised talking—had called several times. The last call was just a few minutes ago from Mateo.

I almost felt nauseous as I went to the texts next, choosing to read Callan's first since he'd been the one who'd texted me last and scrolled up to read the oldest texts first.

I tried calling back, but you didn't answer. Mateo told me. We'll figure it out, Bella. We will find a way to make it work, I promise. Call me when you can x

His first message gutted me. Had he ever planned on telling me the truth? Or would he have just continued to lie if I hadn't found out? Mateo told me...but you'd already known. Maybe not that I'd be his student, but he'd known there could be a possibility at the very least.

I'm starting to worry. Please give me a call.

And then...

I'm so sorry.

Whenever you are ready, we'll be waiting. We're not giving up on us.

Us...was there even an 'us' any longer? The thought that we weren't broke me further. I didn't know what I wanted, only that I didn't want to feel like this—a mix of too many negative emotions that I couldn't discern one from the other. Scrolling down to his newest text, I saw that it was sent an hour ago.

You were the best thing to happen to us. We knew it the second we saw you. I was just too greedy to let you walk away before we had a chance to see where this could go.