Yes, Sirs (Book 1 of Desire's Den)

Chapter 149 - Emma

After I met with Callan, I went back to Kevin's place, feeling so many mixed emotions, I couldn't think straight. I'd thought that I would have a clear picture of what I wanted after I'd talked to them, but I was even more confused than ever.

They cared about me, and I cared about them. That should've been answer enough, shouldn't it? But it just made our situation more complicated. If they had cared about me enough, they would've told me...but then again, they were also afraid of losing me.

God, I didn't know what to do. My heart was saying one thing, and my mind a whole other thing. Both parts were trying to protect themselves. One part wanted to protect me from the heartbreak of losing them. The other part wanted to protect me by making sure I would never go through that kind of hurt again.

The conversations I'd had with them had been emotional, honest, and raw. They'd been open and answered my questions, and now I just had to make a decision.

As much as I wanted to forgive and forget, we would never be able to go back to how things were. No matter how much I didn't want their lapse of judgment to define us, it already had. If I chose them, there would always be a small part of me that would wonder if they were keeping something from me. We would have good days, sure, but there would also be days where I couldn't so easily push aside what they had made me go through. But if I didn't choose them, I would always wonder what we could've had.

I'd spoke the truth when I told Gideon that they had ruined me for other men. For those brief weeks, they'd shown me how it could be. They'd given me a taste of my darkest desires. They'd taken care of me in a way I hadn't let anyone do before. They'd made me feel safe—cherished.

Kevin was sitting on the couch when I got back. He hurriedly paused the show he was watching and looked at me expectingly. "So, how did it go?"

Dragging my feet to the seat next to him, I plopped my ass down. "Horribly. Beautifully. Good and bad. Take your pick."

"What did he say?" Kevin pushed on, both curious and worried.

"Callan said he was an idiot, which he is, but he also told me he couldn't let me slip through their fingers, and that's why he hired the PI to find me. Apparently, they'd been searching for someone for years, and I was the first one they'd all taken an interest in." I thought back to what he'd said, and a bittersweet smile rested on my lips. The notion that they'd felt a connection to me the second they saw me was like every girl's dream. When Callan had said that, my heart had gone into high gear, and I'd practically swooned.

These two days, I'd been far from unaffected by their words. It meant a lot to me to hear how Mateo was willing to quit the job he loved before his last semester was up. My heart had warmed when Gideon used his words to express himself even when I knew there was a tragic reason behind the fact that he hated to talk. It made me cry when Callan was willing to shoulder all the blame so his friends could be spared—even if it meant us being together without him. He'd begged for me to give his friends a second chance, but he hadn't asked the same for himself.

I filled Kevin in on my conversation with Callan, just like I'd done yesterday after Mateo's and Gideon's. It felt good to share it with someone; it helped sort out my own thoughts and feelings.

"Choose whatever makes you happy, girly. You don't owe them a thing, but you owe it to yourself to make the choice that's right for you," Kevin said as he patted my knee. "You know my thoughts about this." I did know. Kevin was team Emma all the way, but he'd also said he believed the guys would never betray my trust again. I didn't understand why he was so confident about that, but he was.

"It's not an easy decision to make. What if I forgive them, but it happens again? Or if I don't, and I'll end up regretting it?"

"I know it's not easy, honey, but you can't continue to think about the 'what-ifs.' If you search hard enough, you'll always find something to be uncertain about. Sleep on it. Right now, you're emotionally exhausted, and no one can think straight in that state."