Maybe Life Isn't So Bad.

Chapter 1

  I woke up in a cold sweat, startled and breathing heavily. I had the same nightmare for the 5th time this week. I had gotten used to it, but my reaction didn’t show as much. I hugged my decorative fluffy pillow, the fur comforting and the little bunny ears easy to fiddle with. My breath slowed as I hugged the pillow tighter. The pillow got tortured by me every night for the last 2 weeks, it was just that fluffy. I buried my face into it trying to stop my mind from drifting back to the origin of the dream. I guess fluffiness can’t save me from that because my mind drifted off anyways.
The radio was blasting Christmas music and my siblings sang along horribly, but it was a pretty good site to see. My dad was driving while my Mamá was in the front seat. My sister and brother, Veronica and Marco, were sitting beside me in the back, Veronica obviously near the window. We were on the way to buy a Christmas tree, while Rachel was babysitting Nadia and Silvio at home, despite her objections. With 3 teenagers in the back and 2 adults in the front, it was pretty loud. The sounds of my mom sighing could barely be heard but I wouldn’t have had any other way. It all happened so fast one minute my siblings were yelling lyrics to “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” and then our dad made a swift turn, and our car went flying. Dad’s head hit the dashboard, knocking him unconscious while Veronica and Marco were also knocked unconscious from hitting the windows. I, fortunately, hit the center console once, softly enough to cling to consciousness. My mind racing and my vison blurry, I tried to shake my siblings awake. After failing, my mind fixated on trying to get the hell out of the car. Consciousness nearly slipping out of my grasps, I managed to crawl out of the backseat left window. People were already crowding around the car, A tall man in a suit already screaming at 9-1-1. The second that they saw me, people ran over. My legs gave out and I didn’t know I was falling until my head hit the grass. My Papa, siblings, and I survived while my Mamá was... well, she was there but she wasn’t. Apparently, her nose and her head hit the dashboard or airbag or something. The lack of air going to her brain made her slip into a coma, they said it was common and that it would only last two weeks or more. It’s been two weeks, but her body is still lifeless. The image of her in that hospital bed, multiple machines hooked up to her was engraved into my brain. Her heartbeat was slow but still beating. I held onto her now partially cold hand hard but no reaction, just the same emotionless expression on her face. I was snapped back into reality when I heard a light knock on the door. My breathing had already sped up from the flashbacks and tears rolled down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away, but I could feel them threatening to come pouring back down like a waterfall. Curse the sink in my eyes. I swallowed the ball in my throat and went to open the door. Veronica was standing there with two cups. I could see the worry in her face.
“H-hey Veronica, What- Why are you here?”, I stammered. The ends of her mouth curled into a slight smile at my failure to act “casual”.
“Well, I'm guessing you woke up from that nightmare so”, she answers, she hands me a cup of what seems to be hot cocoa with whipped cream and sprinkles, “I got you this”. I knew Veronica had a way of finding out people’s secrets but how the quiznak did she know that!? As I stood there in disbelief, she lightly shoved the cup into my hand and walked past me to the bed, patting the space behind her. I took the hint and sat beside her, taking a sip of the surprisingly good drink.
“How the hell did you know about those?”, I asked after a few minutes of silence. I really didn’t need my father putting me back into therapy and checking my arms. Every. Single. Day. Again.
“Well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess that the guy who starts shuffling in his room at 3 am is being woken up by something”, she answered taking good care to emphasize the fact that it is 3:40 right now. That still didn’t answer the question of ‘Did she tell papa or not?’.
“Did you- Does Papa know yet?”, I asked, taking another sip of the hot drink in hand. Veronica knew about my... distaste for Papa’s overprotective “precautions” whenever I showed a sign of being remotely sad. Don’t get me wrong, I love him, but it was just ridiculous. I mean it only happened once. Veronica smiles a thin smile, softly chuckling to herself as I looked at her, confused.
“I mean, you didn’t tell anyone when I came out to you as bi and started dating Acxa so why should I tell him about this either”, She said, now smiling down on me. I smiled back at her.
“Y-yeah. I guess you’re right”, I said with a sigh of relief, my heart feeling less heavy. We were just sitting there when Veronica decided to break the silence.
“Hey. I know you hate it when we say things like this but are you sure you’re okay? You were the closest to Mamá and I mean we’re all sad about it in our own ways, but you were hit the hardest. Besides you were half awake during the accident seeing that- that scene must have taken a toll on you.”, she said, laying her hand on my shoulder. I looked away, knowing that the real answer was ‘No I’m not. I'm really not.’ but I decided to answer with a short “I’m fine” instead. She nodded and got off the bed. Her hand reached for the doorknob then hesitated before turning back to me.
“Just one more thing. We’re all sad about Mamá. This has affected all of us. So, you don’t have to act like you're ok cause we’re not, believe me. You’re not alone, please remember that.”, one half of her said, another half of her begged.
“Yeah, ok. Good night.”, I said, sighing at the fact that I was never going to live the incident down.
“Goodnight”, she answered, closing the door. I disappeared under the covers and listened to her retreating steps as she opened and closed the door of her room. She really didn’t realize that I’m the glue keeping this family together, I can’t afford to be sad. Besides, I cheer people up, not the other way around, I’ll be fine. I closed my eyes, but I couldn’t push the thought of Mamá out of my mind.