Learning To Love

Prolouge

Hello everyone that might stumble upon this story, this is my first real story that I am writing, so there might be a whole bunch of spelling and grammatical errors. I appreciate and comments you have to improve my story (even if some of it is critisism) But, all in all just please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I may not be able to update as often as everyone will like, but I will try!

In life we are not certain of a lot of things, but for me there is one thing I am certain of. I'm not worth shit. Everyday I come home to parents who are basically oblivious of my presence. Everyday I go to school and have no friends to greet me, no people that stop me in the hallways and ask me how my weekend was or if I want to go to the party later tonight; there is no one who even cares. It's not like I exactly reach out to people, but come on the group of friends in my school have been friends since pre-school, I guess I just didn't get the memo back then.

Actually there was another thing that I was sure of, I was sad. Well that's was putting it in a simple way; I was more of depressed, wishing all the time that the pain would just end. No professional had ever told me that I was depressed, but it was a pretty easy self-diagnosis. I spend most, if not all of my time alone crying and sometimes just staring blankly at the wall, wondering what I did to deserve all this pain and suffering.

It's hard to describe being depressed, but I can try to explain it. Try to imagine being underwater, only inches away from the surface. Yet, no matter how hard you try, you just can't touch it. You can move deeper and deeper, but you can't move upwards. Depression is suffering, but not dying. I don't even tell my parents about how I feel, and I know that most people would say, "Why not? You have to tell your parents!" But, it's hard; I'm already not particularly close to my parents, but that's not it. I don't want to have other people feeling bad for me, I don't want to bring other people into my problems. My dad is a lawyer and my mom is a therapist; so they both spend all day dealing with other peoples problems. I would hate to burden them with my own.

Another thing about being depressed is that it is kind of embarrassing and hard to tell someone, I mean how do you tell someone that you want to die all the time? It's not that easy; and then the people with depression don't tell other people who have depression their problems because no ones feelings are the same. I know that there are a whole bunch of other depressed kids in my school who are more, 'open' about it; I also know that most people will go through a particularly long sad phase, even if it's not depression, once in their life. I've even known several people who were seriously depressed, but after all we are just suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids that suicide isn't the answer.