mcyt oneshots

Voices - Dreamnap

I need to get my feelings out, this story is a way to cope sorry about all the angst :]
enjoy
-Finn
TWs: bad eating habits, self harm, big boi angst, swearing, mentions of throwing up, razors, dismembered faces, dreams/nightmares that seem real but aren't (?)
----------
Nick opened his eyes in response to the sounds of violent screeching. He found himself lying in the middle of a patch of orange flowers.
What the hell?
He observed his surroundings, but didn't recognize where he was.

He got up. In the distance, he saw a woman hunched over on her knees. She was screeching horrifically loud. Nick couldn't receive her features, but he ran over there as fast as he could to provide any sort of aid. He looked down and placed his hand on the woman's shoulder. She looked up, and Nick was breathless with fear shot in his wide eyes. Her features were gone. Black liquid was spilling out of where her eye sockets should've been. Some form of a mouth was opened, disheveled and horrifying, and she started screaming again. She put her hands on her stomach, and gripped tight. She threw up fire. Nick covered his ears and shut his eyes, and sunk to the floor. Nick started, tears forming in his eyes.
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
She screamed louder.
STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP. PLEASE, ENOUGH. STOP.

His eyes fluttered open. He felt his hot cheeks, feeling tears streaming down his face.
He curled up in a ball and just sat on his bed.
Never again, he thought. Never again.

He eventually picked up his phone, and the time read 7:48 am. Nick sighed.
There was a knock on his door, definitely his best friend, Clay, as he somehow memorized how he knocks. It was weird, but Nick didn't find it something that was necessarily bad.
"Come in," Nick said, hoarsely.
Clay opened the door to be met with Nick, who was still an absolute mess from his nightmare.
"Woah- hey? Are you okay? It looks like you've been crying for like an hour," Clay said.
"I'm fine," replied Nick, forgetting that he had been crying and had puffy eyes.
"Are you sure? Can I..get you anything? Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked.
"No, Dream. I'm fine." Nick hissed. He chocked on his words a bit, so that made Clay a little suspicious of how he was really feeling. He didn't say anything though. He went over and gave him a hug. Clay realized a few things.
1, Nick had said things before about his nightmares. 2, he probably wasn't "just not a morning person", it may have been his nightmares that made him not like morning.

Clay pulled away from the hug.
"Well, I just wanted to say I made some blueberry waffles for breakfast, your favorite" Clay said in a cheerful tone.
Nick's stomach churned, and his eyes burned.
"Alright Dream, thanks, but I'm not hungry right now," he lied. He hated lying, yet it was the only thing he could do. He had to hide. Hide his cuts, hide his fears, hide his feelings. He wasn't going to be weak. Clay walked out, shutting the door behind him.

Nick got up, and absentmindedly grabbed clothes went straight to the bathroom. He usually just slept in boxers in the summer. He shut and locked the door.

And just stared at his reflection.

He was skinny, dangerously skinny, but no matter how much he tried to get those thoughts out of his head, they would come back, 10 times worse.
Fat. There's no way you could go the day without eating. You're not strong. You're not brave. You are a coward. You can't even vomit without hesitation. Weak. Weak.
Nick stared at his eyes, the dark brown orbs staring back at him. It didn't seem real.
Suddenly, a burst of frustration spewed through his veins. Quickly contemplating on smashing the mirror, he instead reached for the cabinet, and grabbed a black and blue razor from a bag.

He sat on the porcelain toilet seat, hesitant about what he was gonna do. He gathered himself, and without thinking, sliced. Deep. Red began to seethe through the cracks in his skin. It was almost like he just broke something, yet it only gained small cracks. But those cracks bled out, cried out. He frustratingly sighed. He didn't know why he did this to himself. But if he couldn't vomit, couldn't see himself, he'd make himself see red instead.

He cut until he realized this wasn't right. He stung. He felt pain.

He looked for his phone with flooded eyes, picking it up and looking at the time. He has been in for over 15 minutes, forgetting to turn the shower on so it just seemed like he was in there for a better reason.

There was a panicked yet subtle knock at the door
"Hey, Nick? Are you okay?" Clay yelled.
Through his sobs, Nick replied. "Y-yeah. Yes i'm fine!"
"Nick, no, you're not fine! I refuse to let you continue to be like this. Please, let me help you,"
Nick just sat there, trying to muffle his sobbing. But he just couldn't take it anymore, and just let it all out.
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay. Can I come in? Please,"
Nick shuffled around to find the shorts and t-shirt he grabbed. He put them on, and quietly mumbled while unlocking the door.
"Yes,"
Clay opened the door and pulled Nick into a huge bear hug. They stood there for a while, Nick's eyes damp and lifeless, while Clay's were calm and loving.
Finally, Clay spoke up.
"Do you wanna tell me whats been happening?"
Nick remembered the one other time this had happened. It was years ago, and he had locked himself in the bathroom while staying with Clay during the summer. He had a panic-attack inducing nightmare which led him to sob uncontrollably for about an hour. Clay had tried to comfort him through it as soon as he found out what was happening, and he had really helped.
He decided he needed to trust someone, just this once.

They sat down on the edge of Clay's bed.

"It's hard, Clay. Having to avoid food every single day just to feel like your worth it, you know? I don't know why it got to me. It doesn't feel like my brain is my brain. It feels like my mind is this empty void, and there's different voices, but they don't have a body. They're just... voices, colliding with one another. Fighting. Constantly just, don't eat that. Think about the calories, they add up. They add up. and then, eating is what everyone does, no one is going to judge you. Just eat. Don't worry about the calories, they don't matter. Eat! and I- I just.. I can't deal with it anymore! They're constantly.. fighting.."

He broke down, and started sobbing again.

"IT'S SO GODDAMN UNFAIR! NOTHINGS RIGHT ANYMORE,"
Clay pulled him into another hug, wrapping his arms around Nick and resting his chin on his shoulder.

"Shh.. It's okay. I'm gonna get you the help you need, okay? I know it's hard, but please trust me. I'll be here for you. I love you Nick. I'm here, it's okay."
His voice faded as Nick slowly fell asleep, having been drained of so much of his energy the past hours.
Clay smiled as he held Nick tight for a few moments, before laying him down on his bed and falling asleep next to him.
-------
word count: 1267
I had NO idea how to end this story. I hope ya'll liked it! It really sums up how I'm feeling. I don't have the energy to go back and revise, so please comment where I made any mistakes! Thanks for reading!