Shadows of Our Pasts

Chapter 9 - Life Is A Nightmare

I was frozen, paralyzed in fear.

The flames drew closer to me, yet I didn't move. I couldn't lift a single muscle. Despite my mind screaming at the rest of my body, I was stuck in place. 

I was shaking from head to toe, terrified of the things that surrounded me, but I did nothing to stop them. I could do nothing but watch as one of the enemies made it through the fiery hell around us and made his way towards me with his sword raised. I did nothing.

I did nothing but watch as my second-in-command jumped in front of the enemy's blade, saving me from what surely would've been the end of me. The sword ripped through his torso, sending blood splattering onto the already stained ground, but he didn't give up. He fought to take the enemy down, to save me - the girl who could do nothing in the face of this crisis. 

He succeeded. At what cost? 

The shock of seeing him hit the ground after the enemy had fallen hit me harder than my previous shell-shocked state, and I quickly gained control over my body. I rushed to the side of my second-in-command...

To the side of my second half. My fiance. 

Blood trickled from the corners of his mouth, running down his chin and neck as I clung to him, resting his head on my knees as I stroked his hair. Even through the pain and the chaos, he kept that damned, stupid smile on his face from the affection I was showing to him. 

Tears flowed down my cheeks in steady streams and I yanked my cloth mask down from my face, revealing my mouth and nose as sobs continued to rack my body. I rested a hand on his cheek as I cried, stuttering and shaking. "Why?? Why d-did you h-have to go and d-do that? W-why couldn't it have been m-me? Wh..why?" I whimpered, rocking us back and forth. 

He did his best to hold onto that charming smile, ignoring the pain as he raised a hand to my face, stroking my cheek gently as he whispered back, "Shh, it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay, love, please don't cry...I don't like to see you like this..." His bottom lip quivered, but he quickly regained control of it for my own sake. He always thought about me, even in a situation like this. Why did he always have to put me first. "Please Xana, it will be okay in the end."

He continued to try to comfort me, but I could only sob harder as we both realized that this would be the end for him. For us. I bit my lip, clutching onto the hand he placed on my cheek. 

My fiance, my best friend, the love of my life, my light in this darkness, my trusted soldier and second-in-command...his light was fading fast, right in front of me. And I did nothing. 

"No...no!" I shifted, desperately clinging onto his torso. "It's not going to be okay, Xander...this is all my fault...it's m-my fault that you're this hurt...t-this is all my fault..." 

"Xana, look at me." His voice was soft but stern. It left no room for argument, he never did. I did as he wished and looked him in the eyes. "I know you're hurting, but don't blame yourself. I chose to jump in front of that blade, I chose to protect you by any means necessary, and I don't regret it, not even for a second." He stroked my hair, bringing me down to kiss my forehead. "I'm sorry...I wanted so badly for us to be together forever, you and me against the world. But I have to leave...it has to be this way. You need to continue on, and fight for us both, Xantara Winters."

His eyes began to dull, but he placed one last kiss on my lips before stroking my cheek, our foreheads resting against one another. He placed every emotion he'd ever felt towards me into that kiss, and those feelings flooded my entire system as I realized fully what was happening. How was this happening?

"I love you,"  he whispered, his head falling away from mine as his last breath was released. His hand fell from my cheek, hitting the ground next to me. 

"Xander?" My broken voice whispered, my hands shaking as they hovered over him. "A-Alex?" I drew his lifeless body onto my lap, holding onto it in desperation as I began to rock back and forth once more, shaking my head in disbelief. In denial. 

"No. No, no, no, no, no, NO!" I was frantic, panicking as more tears ran down my face. "Don't say that, stay with me, we can be together forever just like you wanted. Come on, please...please, Alexander, don't...don't leave me..." 

But I was talking to a corpse. Pleading to nothing but a shell of what used to be an amazing person. "Alexander, I...you didn't let me say it...I love you too." I was too late.

I swallowed my tears, staring down at him with eyes full of dread as I brought my hand up to stroke his face for the last time. I sniffled, but my tears were gone as I was numbed by the heartache I was feeling. 

I buried my face in the crook of his neck, hugging him one last time as the aching pain in my heart grew so incredibly much that the lump in my throat burned with an intensity that rivaled the flames around us. Alex...my Alex, was gone. 

I laid his body down, crossing his arms over his chest and making sure his eyes were fully closed. Then, I raised my head towards the sky. A loud, pain-filed, terrorizing scream ripped through my throat. I let all of my emotions be released in my heart-wrenching cry, screaming until my body forced me to stop and suck in a breath. 

I looked back down, placing one last kiss on his forehead before I stood up, pulling my half-mask over the bottom of my face and tugging my hood over my head. My jaw clenched and unclenched, my eyes never leaving the body of my now late fiance. 

Then, movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention, and I knew what I was going to do. I would get revenge. I would make them pay for the chaos they caused. I will end this. For you, I will make sure they can never make anyone suffer like this again. 

My eyes snapped to the enemy that I'd seen, my piercing, scorching gaze sending shivers through his entire being as he realized my attention was fully set on him now. My vision went red with rage, but it was controlled rage as I lunged at him through the flames, quickly forcing him to the ground where I repeatedly smashed my fists into his face. 

I would no longer stand by and watch. 

I will never have to say that 'I did nothing' ever again. 

I will be the great, victorious person that he saw me to be.

I will avenge him.