Shadows of Our Pasts

Chapter 8 - G'night

The rest of cleaning and bandaging up the boys went much more smoothly, having no other major injuries other than a few deep gashes that would eventually heal on their own.

I left the boys after showing them the extra clothing that was in the dresser for them to use (besides Jund, who would be told tomorrow since he was already passed out) before making my way back over to my room. I'd already made my rounds around the house, and I, too, was ready for and craving sleep.

I had helped Cry with his injuries after Jund, and he'd returned here right after to get settled in. He had his bedsheets set up on the pull-out couch, and I heard the end of his yawn as I walked in. He looked up as he heard me enter and smiled - oblivious to my pause when I realized he was shirtless.

I said I wouldn't make any moves - and I wasn't trying to! I just couldn't help the involuntary action of my eyes running over his muscle-toned figure. He had apparently been in the process of changing into pajamas when I'd walked in.

"Oh, Sorry Z, I should've gone into the bathroom." He apologized, reaching for his shirt. As his body dipped away from mine, I couldn't stop my eyes from admiring how the muscles on his back rippled with the movement.

I felt my face heat up, and I gulped - a bit too loudly if I must admit. Loud enough that I could see his eyes move to me from behind his mask and he paused, tilting his head in a silent question. I snapped out of my trance and averted his gaze, ducking back out of the door with a mumbled "come get me when you're ready" before closing the door behind me.

I leaned back against the wall beside my bedroom door and let out a sigh, running a hand over my face nervously. That was...interesting...and incredibly embarrassing. I face-palmed at my immature behavior. I can't believe I just stood there frozen, ogling him like a schoolgirl who's never seen a shirtless boy before...even if that shirtless boy was a handsome and muscular one. I ran a hand over my face, trying to shake off the embarrassment that seemed to fill my entire being at my own thoughts.

He popped the door open soon after, his head peeking out and around the corner, quickly coming face to face with me since I was leaning on the wall right by the door.

"Oh, hello. Sorry again, I was just hoping I could quickly change while you were gone helping the boys."

I stepped past him into the room, shaking my head dismissively. "No worries!" I smiled up at him, beginning to set up my own bed as I moved past him. Once I was finished, I went and changed into some sweatpants and a hoodie to sleep in. When I got back, Cry was lying in bed, his hand hesitantly reaching toward his mask.

Every time he got close to it, he hesitated and dropped his hand back down to his side. I could tell he was deep in thought, and he hadn't even noticed I'd re-entered the room by now.

"Cry?" He finally looked up at me, only now realizing I'd been standing there for quite a bit. "You can take your mask off if you want to. What's stopping you?"

He sighed and looked down. "Well...I always take my mask off when I sleep, but I'm a bit worried about you seeing my face this soon. I've never been super comfortable with that...

A sad tone invaded his voice and I frowned before getting an idea. "What if I can't see you but you still take your mask off?"

He tilted his head at me once more, but I only smiled back in response as I stood up and walked over to the light switch. 

"Close your eyes so they will adjust to the dark. I'll keep mine open so that when I turn off the lights, you'll be able to see from adjusting to it and I will be completely blind from it being pitch black out of nowhere. You'll just have to lead me to the bed so I don't run into anything." He made an 'o' shape with his mouth and shrugged, figuring it was worth a shot. 

"That's a pretty good idea, thanks Xan," he spoke as he closed his eyes. I waited for a bit longer than I meant to, stuck on his nicknames for me before I snapped myself out of it and flipped the switch, being plunged into darkness. As soon as he heard the click of the switch, I heard Cry shuffling around before his footsteps neared me. 

He walked around me, bringing his hands to rest on the sides of my arms as he gently guided me forward, towards the bed. 

"Thank you for understanding." His breath brushed the back of my neck as he spoke, his soft voice tickling my ear as he led me forward. 

My eyes were beginning to adjust to the darkness, so I quickly shut them and fully allowed him to guide me. "There's no need to thank me. I want to help you all, and I want you to be comfortable with me. I'm not going to push past your boundaries until you're ready for that, and this is obviously way too soon." 

My knees shuffled into the side of my bed, and I got ready to sit down on it. Before I could move further, though, strong arms wrapped around me from behind, embracing me in a tight hug. "I...thank you. For everything, Xan." I was startled at his sudden action, causing my eyes to open for a moment but I quickly clamped them shut again. 

His emotion-filled gratitude brought a smile to my face and I turned, just enough to wrap my own arms around his torso to hug him back. "Cry, it's not a problem, really. I'm so happy to help in any way I can," I giggled, moving my hand to ruffle his hair slightly before I let go of the hug. 

I felt his warmth move away from my own - the only indicator I had of him stepping back since I still had my eyes closed. 

"Goodnight, Z." I heard his footsteps shuffle over to the couch before he laid down on it, leaving me to get settled in my own bed. 

"Goodnight...I like your nicknames, by the way. Xan, Z. They're nice."

All I got was a tired 'hmm' in response, and a quiet chuckle slipped past my lips as I rolled onto my side. sliding my hand under my pillow to rest on the handgun I kept there for safety, by habit. 

"G'night," I whispered before we both fully drifted off to sleep. 

...

I was shrouded in darkness, my eyes closed. I could smell the ashes from a fire rise from all around me, feel the heat of the blaze even though I was not being burned. Yet I could hear nothing...

Not at first. 

Then, the relief of being able to hear was quickly ripped away, my heart clenching as I realized what the noise was. 

Slowly, oh so painfully, agonizingly slowly, noise rose up from all around me, ranging from the wild flames to distorted groans and growls to the screams of my comrades and enemies. 

Finally, I was able to open my eyes. But I opened them to images I never wished to see, ones that I shall never forget. All around me, people...my people...they were being attacked. 

Mauled, eaten, beaten, burned...worse. 

Sure, the enemy suffered too - by now, it had become all too difficult to differentiate friend from foe. I could do nothing. My eyes were wide with terror as I watched my very own group members being ripped to shreds in front of my eyes, yet I could do nothing. 

I was frozen in fear.