Shadows of Our Pasts

Chapter 10 - What He'd want

I could feel the heat from the flames around me, licking at my clothes as I sped forward.

"Xa...ta..a"

I heard a voice but I couldn't make out what they were saying so I ignored it. I kept plowing through the horde, taking down every walker and member of the Lucifer Syndicate that crossed my path along the way. I knew who I was going for. 

"Xan...ara!"

The voice was clearer now, and I could almost make out the word. Who was it? Again, I tried to ignore it and keep going, my vengeful tears never stopping as I eliminated every threat around me, ignoring the fire that burned my own flesh in the process. 

"Xantara!! Wake up!"

I jolted awake, jumping back while simultaneously yanking my hand out from under my pillow, grasping onto my pistol. In a second, the barrel was pressed against a man's chest as I tried to orient myself to my surroundings. 

My vision was blurry with unshed tears, presenting an obstacle as I tried to see who stood before me. I shook my head, memories of yesterday flooding them as my eyes came to rest on the poker-faced mask that I'd begun to get accustomed to. 

"Xan?" Cry's hands were raised, my gun still pressed to his chest, but his face showed nothing but concern for me, even when it probably should've shown fear for himself. 

I let out a shaky breath, flipping the safety back on with my thumb as I lowered the weapon, maneuvering so that my knees were bent with my elbows propped upon them, my head resting in my hands. Cry's hands lowered and he sat next to me, looking at me with worry in his eyes. 

Hesitantly, he reached out a hand and rested it on my shoulder in a comforting manner. The gesture was sweet, especially when coupled with his whispers of "it's okay," and "it was just a dream." 

When I finally relaxed enough to see and breathe properly, I let my hands drop onto my lap and sighed, looking up at him. "I...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for waking you, and for pointing a pistol at you when you woke me."

His shoulders slumped and he sighed in disbelief as if he didn't understand what I was saying. "Are you kidding? It's not your fault, you were having a nightmare. Are you okay? What happened?" He told me about my thrashing and whimpering in my sleep, which brought the events of the memory back into my brain. 

Tears were brought to my eyes again and I sniffled, sending him into a slight panic at the sight, muttering something about not meaning to make me cry. I shook my head, smiling at him as I let a few tears slip out, not strong enough to stop them. I quickly wiped them away, keeping the smile on my face. That's what he would do. He wouldn't stop smiling.

"I'm okay. Thank you for waking me. It was just...the dream was about the war. I lost someone very dear to me." Cry's grip on my shoulder tightened in a further attempt to comfort me as he scootched closer. 

"I know it's a stupid question but...are you okay?"

I laughed, sniffling once more. "You're right, it is a stupid question," I joked. I saw Cry's eyes roll playfully behind his mask as I giggled. "Thank you. I'll be alright." My hands clenched and unclenched as I tried to relax. He had a look of sadness on his face as he saw the facade I was desperately trying to build up around me. It was enough for him to see me cry, but I needed to build up these walls before it continues. 

From the corner of my eye, I saw Cry's hand raise like he was going to reach out to me, but it dropped back down by his side quickly. Having an idea of what he was trying to do, I scooted myself over a couple of inches, just enough to touch my head to his shoulder. That was enough to give him the motivation he needed, and he moved to wrap his arms around me in a hug, not unlike the one he'd trapped me in hours ago, before going to sleep the first time.