across - NCT NA JAEMIN FF

fourteen

NA JAEMIN

I wait anxiously in the lobby of the building, pacing, exiting, and returning. It's already dark and neither Beomgyu nor I have any news.

At 8:37 pm I exit the building to check again and I see her. She looks horrible with her bloodshot eyes, messy hair, and distraught facial expression. She ignores me completely as she enters the building and I don't blame her.

I keep a good distance between us as she walks listlessly. As always, she uses the stairs. I follow her with no idea whether she knows I'm following her.

I don't notice how far up we've gone and when I do, I am surprised to see we're almost at the rooftop. Did she really just miss our floor?

I halt and consider turning around. I mean, she is already in the building. But then I picture the rooftop and how high up the building is.

"I hate myself," I murmur and proceed to follow her.

I open the door tentatively and my stomach lurches at where she sits. Her legs dangle right off the edge and she's dropped her bag near the door.

I approach her cautiously and she doesn't move. I hesitantly sit about a meter away from her and try not to look down.

I take in the view and memories of our childhood that we spent here make me relax.

"I didn't get it."

I turn to see her crying and the guilt from my words from earlier come back.

"I hate you, I really do, but...when Mr. Lee threatened me, as soon as he mentioned your name, I just knew I couldn't let anything happen to you," she sniffs. "I hated it. Why? He threatened me with Beomgyu but that's more understandable, he's my friend. But you? Jaemin I don't...why?

"I know you told me not to play hero–"

"I'm sorry."

Her glassy eyes glance at me and I turn away.

"I'm just...so angry knowing that you got hurt at my expense."

She purses her lips. "It's not your fault."

"And it isn't your fault either," I say sternly as I reconnect our eyes. We hold it for a couple of seconds, then she breaks it.

"Please don't tell anyone," she says softly.

"Yun..."

She shakes her head. "No. Please Jaemin," she turns to me with pleading eyes and I sigh.

"I'll ask for one thing in return," I tell her. Her brow creases. "Beomgyu or I will be around you the whole time out of class class, all the way until we get home. No more counselling."

Her eyes widen and she starts shaking her head but I remain serious, because this is. She gives me a helpless look and then sighs. "Why do you care?" she looks ahead.

"The only reason I grew to hate you was because I never understood why you hated me," I mumble. "It made no sense and I was sick of it, but that doesn't mean I'm just going to let you get hurt."

She lowers her head and watches her swinging legs.

"Just promise not to tell anyone."

I nod sadly and I sit with her in total silence until an hour later when she gets up and we head down.

—

Although it's late, I can't fall asleep. My mind is full of thoughts and all kinds of emotions; anger, sadness, and pain. Anger at the animal, sadness and pain for her.