LAST FIVE DAYS

Paint my memories

Entry No. 507

June 29, 2020
Monday, 6:17 a.m
De'alle Valley, Woodbridge

Pen,

This is the second day. I slept last night although it takes me an hour before I settled down. I told Mom that I wanted to learn how to paint and she agreed but in one condition. Dito lang dapat ako sa bahay magpepaint I understand them tho. kaya I agreed too. It is my fault din kasi kaya naging ganyan ang desisyon nila.

Okay. Okay. Let me breath first. Inhale. Exhale.
Woooo~

Here are the list of things, so far dalawa na ang natatapos ko. The first one went well but the second, nah-- nevermind.

1. Go to salon and dye my hair to blue. CHECKED!

2. Tell my crush that I like him. CHECKED!

3. Learn how to paint (just the basics)

4. Wear a vintage dress and go to a dinner with my family.

5. Watch the stars at the seaside with my family.

Mom ordered some canvas, paint brushes and some acrylic paints na gagamitin ko but I have a problem I don't know how to start T^T

Mom and Dad are not here sa bahay. Ako lang tsaka si Manang ang nandito. Ano gagawin koooo~

Oh shoot! I almost forgot na madali na nga pala ang access ngayon dahil sa internet ^○^ I opened the search bar on my phone and searched 'How to paint' and BOOM!!! there we have all the answers hehehe

I spent the whole two hours reading articles and blogs on how to learn to paint but all I can say was Art is Art. Ang kailangan ko lang ay ilabas ang nararamdaman ko. Lol.

Pumunta ako sa may garden namin, maganda kasi ang view dito and marami kang makikitang mga tao. I set my canvas and the others things like brushes and paints sa mini table na nasa tabi ko.
I know how to draw but I think painting is different.

They said 'Paint what you feel' so before I began ay hinawakan ko ang paint brush ko at started to remember all the good times and bad times na na-encountered ko.

I remembered the first time na malaman kong may ganito akong sakit. I almost died from stress and sadness. Hindi ko matanggap. Every day nagkukulong lang ako sa kwarto and every night I stayed up all night doing nothing. I wasted my days back then and I deeply regret that.

My mom was always crying, begging me to eat and talk. I gave her problems while she, they, gave me love and care. Dumating pa sa point na I'd decided to take my life by cutting my wrist. Wala ng pumapasok na iba sa isip ko noon dahil all I was thinking back then were 'Nahihirapan na ko' at 'Hindi ko na kaya' but HE sent my Dad the time na malapit na ang blade sa wrist ko. Buti nalang and I am thankful dahil nangyari yun.

"Anak ayos ka lang ba?"

Nabalik ako sa wisyo ng marinig ko ang boses ni manang. I just looked at her and smiled.

"Okay lang po ako Manang, nag-iisip lang po"

"Napakalalim ng iniisip mo at hindi mo namalayang nakalapit ako sayo" ani pa nito sakin tsaka sinukalay ang buhok ko gamit ang kanyang mga daliri. Bata palang ako ay nagtatrabaho na samin si Manang Pina. Kapag wala sila Mom and Dad si Manang ang nag-aalaga sakin at kapag hindi ako makahinga or hindi ako makatulog ay pinapaupo nya ako sa tabi nya at susuklayin ang aking buhok while telling stories.

"Anak bagay na bagay sayo ang kulay ng buhok mo, hindi ko akalain na lalaki kang napakagandang dalaga" panimula nya. Naramdaman kong mahinang humihikbi si Manang ngunit hindi nalang ako kumibo. I remained silent while my eyes were closed.