Past The Mistakes

3 | fascinated by you

I STARED up at the sky, gazing at the stars that danced within my view.

My grandfather also had another story he used to tell me. A story about how the stars would join the moon and night as they united. The stars would represent their dancing children who would follow them wherever they went.

He told me that wherever I would focus my eyes, I would see a star.

He told me that the stars were everything to the moon and darkness, wherever they went, the stars went.

It was a cute little story that I believed until I found out astronomy was a thing and science dictated everything. 

I still found it to be a beautiful way to interpret life. Finding little stories to explain the way things were what allowed for wishful thinking.

Like making a new acquaintance... A chance encounter with someone more complex than any star or constellation I had ever studied.

He reminded me of a comet in a way. He was like a comet who took me along with him across the sky, and we were going fast. So, so, fast.

How had he gone from the boy, hunched over with so much sadness to someone smiling as if he had never faced hardship before?

I stood by what I saw. I remember his green eyes glazed over in unshed tears and pain. That sadness was not the one that would stem from a quick wind of emotions.

He was going through a storm, yet he was choosing to hide under an umbrella. An umbrella that was somehow shielding him. His umbrella was his deceiving smile.

After what he had said by The Edge, I muttered out a lame excuse and ran away.

It was all so new to me. I didn't remember what it felt like to have a friend, a company, to be around. The only people I was ever around for the past few years were my grandfather, Aunt Marie, Uncle Richard, and Uncle Jenkins whenever he got around.

There was no one my age I conversed with. I was too cautious around them as much as they were around me. 

Was there anything I was supposed to be doing? What if he gets bored by me?

I had gotten a taste of companionship. The amusing back-and-forth banter and the small smiles filled with kindness.

I hate feeling uncertain and stressed. 

Being on your own bought freedom, space, and stability, but it also introduced loneliness. So, so, so much loneliness.

I always spent my nights alone.

Maybe I deserved the loneliness. I don't know. 

Deciding I had spent enough time pondering over my lack of experience with friendship, I sighed and decided that I wanted to be productive to escape my depressing thoughts.

What 17-year-olds have these problems?

Nobody.

So, I walk over to my desk dejectedly and turn on my laptop, hoping to finish some of my assignments from online school before I head out for the night.

Maybe this would help me stop thinking about a boy I just met yesterday.

☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆

I was hesitant about going back tonight. I almost didn't go, but for some reason, my feet brought me there on their own accord.

Regret spiralled in the back of my mind, but I didn't let it control me. I'd lived too long in the shadows.