A Life Worth Living

Chapter 17

Lavinia de' Medici

Chapter Seventeen

The air around everyone has been so incredibly tense. Everyone seems almost miserable. Something is coming it feels like.

Giuliano so caught up in his own grief. Same could be said for Sandro. Lorenzo is trying to save our family. We are in a precarious situation and something doesn't seem right.

There is a banquet tonight and we are hosting Cardinal Riaro. In hopes of there being a peace we will access in the situation.

I decided I wished to dress up in order to make myself feel a bit better. Look beautiful to hide the storm brewing within our family.

(Dress pictured above)

My hair, I decided to leave down, with braids on the sides.

Sandro and I have been spending more and more time together. We find comfort in our losses. I sometimes wonder when we are alone together if it would ever turn into something more. According to history I could never read Sandro's feelings. I never noticed when I was young, I would hope I would notice now.

It feels almost wrong to feel the developing stir within my heart, but if something natural comes out of this? Who could say no?

The burning passion I feel for Francesco will never go away. A love like that just doesn't disappear. I only wish him happiness, but god sometimes I wish it was just with me.

I never really thought I would feel anything for anyone besides Francesco, but Sandro is so tender with me. Maybe it could also be all in my head. I'll be left caring for someone in the dust once again.

...

I knock on Giuliano's door hoping to speak to him.

"Giuliano?" I ask

He is deep into another cup of wine unfortunately.

"What do you want?" He says with indifference

"Nothing Giuliano, just to check on you." I say and sit down with him at the table

"If you have come to preach to me-" he starts

"-I'm not going to preach to you. Although I hope you can make it to god, I won't push that on you. It isn't what you need right now." I say

Mother approached me earlier asking if I would speak to Giuliano. Apparently he has said some very upsetting and worrying things.

She said he wishes to be dead.

I knew I needed to talk to him and see if I could make his heart lighter.

"How are you doing?" I ask

Stupid question, we all know how he is doing Lavinia.

"Well, what do you think? You watched her die too." He says is a cynical tone

I deserve that.

"You have every right to feel the way you do, Giuliano. Trust me I understand you. Don't let it swallow you whole." I say

"I'm always thankful to have you Lavinia, but not even you can save me." He says quietly

I speak not a word and the room is dead silent. I want to speak, but I have no idea what to say.

I just think of the only thing I can.

"I love you, Giuliano. No matter whatever hardship, or bad deed you commit. I will always be right here ready to talk to you." I say and watch his face