It has always been you

Chapter 11

A few hours later they were already at the airport.
Ali and Ashlyn being on the same flight were sitting in the waiting area together just talking about everything and nothing.
"Oh, oh... You'll get to meet my family" Ali said excitedly. Ashlyn just laughed about how happy Ali got.
"Kyle is so excited to finally meet you. You two will get along great" Ali smiled.
"Finally meet me?" Ashlyn asked a little confused.
"Well.. I told him about us... And when I had a crush on you and didn't know what to do a out it..." Ali now started to stutter, blushing like crazy.
"Awwww" Ashlyn giggled.
"So uhm... Is that okay? That I told him everything?" Ali asked nervously.
"Of course, babe. He's your brother. And he's gay too. He gets what you're going through and you needed someone to talk to. I get it. If my relationship with my brother was as good as yours is I would've told him too" Ashlyn smiled, reassuring Ali who just out her he'd down on Ashlyn's shoulder.

If anyone saw them then, their relationship would've been public knowledge. Even before their families knew. And that thought usually terrified Ali but in that moment she forgot all of it and just enjoyed spending time with her girlfriend.

To even think she had a girlfriend felt insane to Ali. To ever have the guts to admit her actual feelings to someone. It was all insane to her and she wasn't getting used to any of it anytime soon.

They eventually got on the plane and luckily enough their seats were next to each other. So once again after everyone settled down a bit, Ali got comfortable cuddling into her girlfriend.

After about 30 minutes Ashlyn fell asleep with her head resting on Ali's shoulder. Ali didn't even notice at first but once she did, she took a quick photo, just for the fun of it, but eventually decided to try sleeping as well. It certainly couldn't hurt.

She wanted to sleep but her thoughts kept her up. She thought about all that happened the last few weeks alone. This camp changed everything for her. She came out to Ashlyn. And to her brother. She was now somehow in a relationship with the most amazing woman she'd ever met. And they were on the way to Ali's brother. So she could finally introduce him to Ashlyn.

The thought of them meeting excited her just as much as it made her nervous. She knew Kyle was okay with her being gay, he was too after all. And his reaction was the sweetest. It helped her deal with it much better. But what if he didn't like Ashlyn? What if the one person in her family who couldn't care less about her sexuality and really loved her so unconditionally didn't like the woman she was falling for?

All the what ifs started popping up in her head and a tear rolled down her cheek. She was so caught up in her anxiety that she didn't notice that that one tear had turned into many many tears. What she also hadn't noticed is her girlfriend waking up.

Ashlyn could feel Ali's pulse getting faster and faster and she felt the heavy breathing against her. As soon as she opened her eyes she also noticed the tears streaming down Ali's face.

She very quickly concluded that her girlfriend was having a panic attack. "Hey, Ali, look at me" she whispered softly.
Thankfully that pulled the brunette out of her trance but she didn't dare to look up at her girlfriend. She was still getting used to the idea of having a girlfriend and also dealing with some major trust issues.

Ashlyn though didn't just ignore that. She put her hand under Ali's chin and pulled her head up as carefully as she could, making Ali look at her.

It was a look of guilt and shame. Ali hated that Ashlyn saw her in such a vulnerable place and it was painfully obvious.

"Hey, what's going on?" Ashlyn then whispered.
Ali pondered wether to respond for a few seconds but eventually tried to speak up. Unfortunately her body decided otherwise and she barely stuttered a word before she started crying harder. Breathing was becoming a problem at this point.

"Okay calm down baby. Look at me" Ashlyn said.
"Breathe in through your nose... And out through your mouth..." Ashlyn explained while starting to get into that breathing rhythm to help Ali control hers.

After a minute or two Ali actually did start breathing in a healthy rhythm again. She sighed and cuddled into Ashlyn again.

It's not like she didn't want to tell her what was going on in her head. It's just that she wasn't sure how. And somehow she didn't feel like she could.

"Take all the time you need. You don't have to tell me but.. it could really help" Ashlyn encouraged the brunette who was now exhausted. Mentally and it felt like that transferred straight to physically exhaustion. At least today it did.
So all Ali did was just whisper back a quiet 'thank you'.