2nd of May 2021

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It's hard for me to believe that it's May already. How? Honestly, how did are we already in May. I could swear that this stupid pandemic made time fly even faster than it did before.
On one hand, I'm happy that time is going so fast, but on the other hand it scares me. But also there's nothing that I can do about it.
Although I guess that that sense of helplessness against the ways of the universe is also quite terrifying as well. Existence itself is terrifying. To be one human amongst billions of others on this planet is one overwhelming thing to think about - but being only small human within an unknown and vast universe is another, even more overwhelming thing to even try to think about. Its practically incomprehensible, unimaginable.

Anyways, existential crisis aside, my life has basically been the same since the last time that I wrote. The stress won't stop until the school year is over. I just have to hold on for a few more weeks. Until then, I'll just be tired and stressed. But I just suck it up and carry on. I count down the days and I wait. I think about how after the summer, school will be the most stressful that it's ever been (I talked about that in the last entry) - but I know that all of that will be over eventually too. Even though it'll be difficult. But I hold on to the hope that it will all be worth it.
I feel like I write about these things a lot, but I need to write them down, I need to remind myself that it's hard, it will be hard, but maybe one day I will wake up and I will no longer feel that way. Plus, this is my diary and I will write whatever I want whenever I want.

Here's a little fun fact for you: I've been listening to Florence + The Machine while I've been writing this. I love their music so much. I'm a huge fan.
Music helps me cope, it helps me live. Just like oxygen, good and water - it is something that I pretty much need to survive.

I will finish up here, as Florence sings 'How Big, How Blue, How beautiful'.
And all that I will say about that is... how fitting to this entry (in my opinion).

P.S - to anybody who is reading this who is celebrating Ramadan right now, I hope that you have a very blessed month.

-Roses


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