(jakehoon - enhypen) will you be mine forever?

08. i once had

it seems like jake has been through something hard, and he's not really the kind of people that could hide their feelings easily and effortless, in fact, it is enough for others people or strangers not to notices or suspect. Jake's hand didn't stop working but his head is lost and thinking about something else. Something that has been bothering him which sometimes made the eyebrows frown slightly. And obviously, all of his feelings and expressions is all read by sunghoon. But there's something different here, that instead of running towards jake and asking him what happened, he only stay silent and follows behind jake. Wherever jake is, sunghoon follows. Whatever jake does, sunghoon also copies.

It's not that sunghoon doesn't care about jake, in fact he's actually very worried. Though, he knows jake's personality more than anyone. Jake is someone with a very independent way of thinking. When he needs someone to talk to, he will definitely looks for Sunghoon or Jungwon and Jay living next door to expose his thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it could take a whole afternoon, and jake still haven't calm down from that yet. But when he doesn't want to share or talk to anyone, even when someone tries to make him speak, he won't even open his mouth. Sunghoon understands that so he didn't disturb Jake the whole day, not even a moment. He just simply be with him there all day.

"jake, stop it."

sunghoon's hand gently hold jake's wrist, stopping him from keep on doing the dishes that has been happening for hours, and drag him back to reality. jake looks at sunghoon innocently, his eyes seems a bit confused, but most is calmness and something that's so sad that we couldn't even describe.

"you have already been washing these dishes for more than ten times. and you're still going to wash those until your hands are all swollen up and react to the dish soap?"

Sunghoon takes out a warm fluffy towel from nowhere. it seems like he has been dunking it in hot water repeatedly just to wait for jake to finish his work. then he gently wraps the towel around jake's freezing hands, in his words there's a mix of blame and deplore. He looks at jake, and caught jake staring at him, his eyes are red as he's trying to hide away the tears on his cheeks. sunghoon doesn't know what to do in this situation, he could only hugs jake tightly and comfort him. Sunghoon secretly wish that if he could take all of the things that made jake like this. Even just a little bit, sunghoon really hopes that he could take away all jake's worries and helps him.

"don't try to hide away the real person inside you, i told you that already didn't i? You don't need to act harsh and strong all the time, at least you could be yourself in front of me. What have you been into, you hate what, you got worried due to something or who are you worrying about, just speak out all of it, i'll be here and listen to you, i'll listen to all of your problems. So jake, please don't make yourself miserable, no matter what, i'm still here.

i'm still here

The hearty words spoke out so lightly. But that three words have made jake cry. A while later, sunghoon could feel jake's tears has been flowing down and made a big stain on his shoulder. jake could only hide his face away on sunghoon's shoulder and cries frustratedly, he doesn't want to tell the reason why. because jake doesn't want to say it, sunghoon stops mentioning about it and just let jake cries like that. He hugs jake and tries to comfort him, though his heart is still aching. At this moment, the only thing that sunghoon wants the most, it's just that jake will stop being sad, no matter what the reason is.

Unsure how many minutes have passed by, if sunghoon has taken over all of jake's sadness or jake is trying to hide from it all on sunghoon's shoulder. We only know that it has been a very long time, till the sunset has gone down, left the place for darkness to flow in. jake right now has finally spoke with his hoarsed voice from crying for too long.

"do you wanna drink some tea?"

"you could go and take a seat, i'll brew the tea."

jake slowly drags his foot and sits peacefully next to the usual tea table, where he used to spend hours staring and watch the scene outside as he's enjoying and sipping his cup of chamomile tea that's still steaming. Back to present, jake's eyes are distracted and calm in a strange way, he only threw his sight far away, but his mind is now stuck with a bunch of knots inside him. Sunghoon quickly returns back next to jake after done brewing the teapot that's still hot. He slowly pours out the tea and hand it to jake. The warm and fragance makes it way into jake which made him awake from all the thoughts he has been deep in.

Jake takes a sip. Sunghoon is still patiently sits in front of jake, slowly catches all of jake's movements into his eyes.

" are you not gonna drink it?"

"I've never liked tea."

"Then why are you sitting here?"

" 'cause i'm worried about you."

Sunghoon's words flew out, it seems like he's falling for jake. Jake is still moving his fingers around the cup of tea. Not sure if he doesn't mind about what sunghoon is saying or 'cause he doesn't want to overthink sunghoon's word to an other deep meaning.

" if you have something to ask or say then spill it out. i know you're very curious right now."

" i don't have any."

" really? don't you want to ask something?"

" i have nothing to ask, jake, you see, you're a very determined person, even if I ask you, you wouldn't answer. So I suppose that it's better to be with you, silently like this, but you'll feel less lonely."

Jake's hands shivers lightly, his tears start rolling down again.

" even a person that i just met a few months ago like you, how could understand me more than my mom does."

" jake, stop crying, do you want your eyes to get swollen up until you can't see anything?"

It seems like jake has heard what sunghoon truly wants to say, but somehow, he's still crying, but it isn't that sad and is a bit more relieved.

For a while later, jake slowly feels a bit better, now, he decided to start telling sunghoon everything. His eyes are still glued to the scene outdoor, doesn't show a single emotion.

" i hate my mom, i really do."

The words start a story which doesn't have a beginning or an ending. The words is filled with determination but somehow is strangely painful. Sunghoon doesn't look surprised at all. Maybe he also understands a bit about jake's problems. because since he moved here, he has met a middle age woman who occasionally visits jake, but every time is the same, it starts from a discussion, then it slowly got louder and louder. The mouth of that woman kept on complaining and scolding jake, jake only stays silent and zone out, seeing herself having some advantage, she got even louder, but jake stubbornly kept on staying silent and does not speak a single word. And all the time, it ends with a loud, angry door slam. Since then, though jake never mentioned about his family, but sunghoon could see that the relationship between jake and his mom are not peaceful at all.

Jake lets out a sigh, he rest his elbows on the table, puts his face on the palms and his eyes moved to the small yard behind the house, his lips starts to speak, but very silently, almost like he's whispering.

" i used to have a family."

Saying till here, jake's eyes shines softly, sunghoon could see clearly all of the painful memories that are waiting to burst out deep in jake's eyes, even when jake's not looking at him. Jake held out his hand and take a sip to clear out the dryness that are stuck in the middle of his throat to start paint out all the memories that are both beautiful and painful about a 'family' that jake once had.