What Happened on Wednesday

Part Two

On Friday the thirteenth of October, I noticed something that I didn't express to my friends for another few weeks. I noticed how pretty my best friend was. I noticed the way that Kourtney brushed her hair behind her left ear, how her hair was slightly shorter on that side and how often it fell out. I noticed that she always smiled when she stretched, like her mouth was stretching as well.

Today she wasn't smiling, and I realized how much it affected me that she wasn't smiling. I noticed a lot about her in the last week but when she spent the day with a frown, I was determined to bring her beautiful smile back. I went to the vending machine and bought her a package of cookies. On the outside of the sugary snacks, I scrawled with a sharpie I found in my pocket:

"I'm sorry you're sulking. You don't deserve these two cookies. You deserve all of the cookies in the world. Please stop crying, for you are BEAUTIFUL without the tear streaks down your cheeks. I love you so much Kourtney. Please get better. I'm here, and you know I always will be. Enjoy."

I certainly enjoyed every minute of seeing her smile. Finally, after a day of my sunshine being hidden by clouds, finally the clouds moved, and I could see her pretty eyes. At this point, there had been something I've been hiding for a long time. I was just nervous, that's all. I'm already an outcast, I don't think this is much better for my case. I don't trust anyone right now. I don't even want to tell Oliver, and he's my best friend. I tell him everything. I'm just afraid of what he will say, or what he will do when he finds out.

Coming out is never something that is easy, and this was my first time coming out as anything. With a long and drawn out letter, I wrote to Kourtney that I was bisexual. I wasn't going to give the letter to her, of course, but she was the only thing that would circle my mind for days at a time. I made it as apparent as possible in my journal that it wasn't a trend or a phase.

I gave Kourtney her cookies earlier and she told me a few kids in her class are convinced that we're dating. To be honest, that was kind of my intent. I mean, I did write, "you are beautiful", "I love you", and how she "deserves much more". I mean she is. She's incredibly pretty, smart, and overall magnificent. She is more than my best friend. She is my life. I do, I really really do, love her. I'm just glad she's okay now. I refused to admit that I had a small, if not minute crush on her.

It took me about a week after my self-discovery to come out to a real person and not my journal, and my first choice was Melissa, a friend of mine I have had since I was little. Lissa and I had been friends since we were three, and her mother used to babysit me. She raised me almost as her own, my face was on her walls in the form of school photos and pictures of Lissa and I in the summers.

I chose a bad time to come out to Melissa. It was right in the morning on the bus, and she had already been having a rough day. I flat out told her, "Lissa, I think I'm bisexual."

It caught her off guard. "What? Really? Why?"

I shrugged my shoulders and searched my brain for an answer. I didn't know why, the only thing I could think to say was, "I don't know, I think Kourtney is really pretty."

"Well, do you think I'm pretty?"

"I mean, yeah, but-"

"That's kind of weird. You're like my sister, you know."

I told her I knew that she saw me as a sibling, and I tried to tell her that I found Kourtney pretty in other ways than just "pretty". I thought Kourtney was "pretty" like the ocean thinks the sunset is pretty. I thought Kourtney was "pretty" like the way that a turtle thinks a tomato is pretty. I didn't think Kourtney was "pretty". I thought she was breathtaking.

On Friday, November 3rd, someone moved to Schuyler County that I had known prior. Roman Sharpe was a boy that used to live here in Queen City. Fifth grade. Here's the kicker, he was my first boyfriend.