~TEARS~ {a oisuga mental hospital AU}

acne and hair clips

I know Oikawa wasn't like this in middle school but I need to give him some more personality so just go with it. (also I don't like the ending of the last chapter so I'm going to edit it, if your reading this as it updates just re-read the last paragraph please.)

When lunch is over we all stand up to leave, sugawara has to go talk to a doctor again, it seems like he's been spending all of his time talking to them lately. Now don't get me wrong I want him to get better but I do miss him in the room.

When I get to the room me and Sugawara share I go into the bathroom to try and wash my face. The bathroom doesn't have a shower so the best i can do is run my fingers through my hair and splash some water on my face.

When I look up I notice my acne has flared up. In middle school I had the worst acne, got me made fun of quite a bit, but the summer when I went into high school I started to pay attention to these things. I started taking care of my skin, stopped wearing alien hair clips to school, and I started paying attention to trends.

Not going to lie, I really miss the hair clips. I found them in the girls section of a clothing department store, my sister bought them for me and I think I wore them for 6 years straight.

Maybe if i ever make it past this whole mess i'll start wearing them again?

maybe.

I briefly pick at the spot but lose interest quickly, i quietly wash my hands and leave the bathroom.

I don't really know the schedule here, I know there's two sessions of group, but other than that all that really sticks out in my head is lunch.

I sit on my bed and lean against the wall, i start humming to myself softly, i'm not sure when Suga will be back but I hope it's soon.

Suddenly a nurse walks in, "oikawa?"

"Mhm" i mumble as i look up,

"Doctor Sato wants to talk to you" she says as she gestures down the hall, i grudgingly get up and let her lead me to the room.

It's a different room from last time, it's generally similar though, a carpet with assortments of pillows piles in a few of the corners, this time doctor sato is already in the room, scrawlling at his clipboard.

"Ah, Oikawa! Good to see you sit down, let's talk" he says as I sit down across from him, neastling into a large pillow. Now that I'm not wallowing in self pity as much, it's actually nice here. Though I do feel a bit of the fog creeping around the edges of my brain.

"Hello" i reply to him as he begins to question me about my day

He goes through the motions, my answers mainly saying the same as before, shrugs, nodds, yes and no answers.

"Oikawa, i can't do all the heavy lifting here, i need you to at least tell me your symptoms before we can end this session" he says sternly

I remain silent for a minute, just as he's about to start talking again, I speak up, "I don't know....... It's just- sometimes its like everything's covered in a fog, i can't understand what people are saying, i can't get thoughts through, and it just, i just don't care about anything, and when its not there i'm usually just sad" once i start talking i can't stop, all of this stuff i've been bottling up for years, YEARS, is tumbling out, like an avalanche, all it took was one wrong, or in this case, maybe right, step.

The time(s) I got called a tranny by some of the baseball players, iwa-chan, the first time I cut in middle school, my father hitting my sister, everything, just so much of it. Eventually I trail off, Doctor Sato is furiously scribbling things on his clipboard, it makes me feel like a lab rat.

When he looks up he cocks his head as if to ask "anything else?"

I shake my head no and he sighs, "oikawa, see these are the things i need to know, the "fog" as you call it, we have names for that, it's actually quite common, its sems yours may be to a higher extent than what we normally see but now that i know what's wrong i can try to help" he says, looking up.

He talks to me about trying a new medicine. I try my best to pay attention and do a half decent job.

When I eventually leave the room with the nurse I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders, like I can finally breathe free.

But slowly as we walk down the hall I can feel it returning, as I remember everything else. As good as it felt to tell someone, it was only the surface. I don't even know what else i need to say, but it's something. It's like an everlasting weight that gets caught in my throat, making it hard to breathe, making tears threaten to spill out.

But that's just normal, sometimes you forget it's not until you manage to somehow briefly escape, just to be pulled back in again by the dreary always present riptide that is depression.

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alright, I swear I have a real excuse for not updating lately

you see...... *deep breath*

I was abducted by aliens.

no really!

:p

no not really, but its finals week and I made the color guard and I have a band camp soon, plus my mom found out I was cheeking my depression meds soooooooo yeah.