Until You Love Me [Bakudeku Mafia AU]

| 29 | Bright Surface

⚠️ I just found out you can't see the chapter covers if you don't load it twice! So please do, just swipe up one more time and load it again, normally it will show after the second time! I put a lot of effort in them so I felt really sad, after finding out, most of y'all haven't even seen them yet... so please do for a better reading experience! ⚠️

Katsuki listened to the slow steady beeping that filled the room. With every beep his mind seemed to doubt his words more. He knew he wasn't good with words, so kept doubting his voice as he stared at the white walls. When he noticed the liveless hand hanging at the side of the bed, his heart throbbed.

The pain he had tried so hard to avoid threatened to come all in, so he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, losing the sight of the pale hand.

When he opened them again they gazed at the scarlet hair contrasting with the white pillow it laid on livelessly. Then they noticed white bandages, which were stained with the same scarlet color. It was too much. Way too much of this damn color, he thought to himself, still unable to speak.

Although when he stared at the Kirishima's face he hoped to see the scarlet color again, for even just a second. When his throat tightened again trying to bring out some words he caught himself just in time.

"It's clear Shitty Hair can't hear you talk anyways" He yelled at himself inside his head, trying to lose the lump in his throat "So why bother?" Which seemed to happen when he tried to empty his mind.

He should just sit here because Deku had begged, he thought to himself. Then at least there was a chance the Pink Woman would forgive him for never visiting. "Yeah, I'll just do that" he mumbled under his breath, trying to relax and not to look at the redhead's face. He stared at the wall blankly for another minute as he focussed on the lump in his throat, which seemed to slowly get bigger.

Why?

Suddenly his bottom lip started to tremble. As he questionned what was happening, he grabbed the cold hand, hoping his lip would stop moving. Which only seemed to make the trembling worse. Almost as if his mind was telling his lips to move and talk.

Then his eyes started stinging as he stared at the sight of the pale fingers getting blurry. Until the forming tears eventually dropped onto those five fingers, which became clearer again. The lump in his throat seemed to get worse, when he breathed hoping words would follow.

"I-" he started, but couldn't make his voice keep going. He felt his throat tighten as air seemed to get thicker and harder to breath in. So he thought his words over carefully as he felt the guilt eating him up inside.

Without realizing he rested his face onto that liveless hand, warming it up with his warmth. As hot tears started streaming down his face, heating the cold fingers, the horrible feeling seemed to only get worse. The realisation he hadn't visited Kirishima sooner made him feel like he was being stabbed with a 1000 knives. Almost like what he had seen happening to the scarlet cloud that night.

The guilt he had felt about the scarlet cloud defending him, had made him unable to feel. As if Katsuki's heart had understood the pain wasn't an option, so kept it at a safe distance. Shutting off emotions was easy, because he had been taught that his whole life. So that what he had done, but as he knew. What you push away, comes 10 times stronger than before.

If the redhead would wake up, Katsuki would make sure to never let him forgive him. Just like Katsuki would never forgive himself. He should've been stronger in that moment and he should've been here the night it happened.

When it got easier to breath, the blond stared at the cold hand, now wet from fresh salty tears and let his gaze slide to the redhead's face. His lips finally started moving as the following words with clear regret followed

"I-I'm so so-sorry"

—

Kirishima stared at the lightblue waves that were softly hitting his face. When he focussed he could hear seagulls from a far beach he couldn't see. The horizon was just as clear as his mind, when he noticed he couldn't remember how he got here nor what he was doing in the middle of the ocean.

When he swam around hoping to reach land, he was only met by the salty water hitting his red, now wet, hair. As far as his eyes could reach there was only sea. The redhead's brows furrowed as he noticed his legs weaken. He wasn't gonna be able to keep this up and floating didn't seem to be an option when a high wave tried to push him down. He opened his mouth in confusion, but didn't get to finish his question "Wha-?"

When suddenly something from beneath him pulled his leg harshly down, causing Kirishima to be swallowed by the large waves. His red hair floated in a straight line above his head, as he felt his ears drumming because of the vicious rate he was descending. His eyes refused to open because of the salt seeping through and stinging them in the process.

Suddenly he felt his red strands landing back on his face, as he seemed to come to a halt again. Kirishima forced his eyes open to see where he had been pulled, but when he opened his eyes there seemed nothing to see. Everything was dark, even when he tilted his chin upwards to see the surface he had just been, it was nothing but a black cloud of smoke.

He felt his chest tighten, realizing the air he had wasn't enough and was catching up with him. When he noticed the darkness beneath him being nothing but smoke, he stated he regained his freedom. So he started moving his arms and legs upward so desperately to get to the light he had seen earlier, but even though he appeared to be swimming the dark cloud only seemed to engulf him more. He felt his throat tighten and blood rise to his face. He needed to get to the surface. He needed to breath!

When suddenly he froze, because of a scream of terror making its way in his ears. He covered them helplessly, not knowing when the scream would stop. How could the sound be so unbearable under water? Kirishima felt his hair lose his face, signing he was descending to the bottom again. He couldn't lose time, but the screams were getting louder.

When suddenly he recognized the voice, as if his mind had needed some time to understand the sound. He let go of his ears wanting to know who it was, because his mind still was too empty. He was missing something, but even though he was thinking of all the things he could. Not one of his thoughts seemed to fit.

"Where is she?" echoed through the waves, as Kirishima's eyes widened in shock. He pulled his arms back up trying to get rid of the black cloud still around him. The voice got louder, now calling out again "He can't have her!" the breaking voice sounded from above.

It didn't make sense his mind recognized the words but couldn't place them. Who was yelling out for who? He closed his eyes and focussed on the sound still coming closer. "Mom!" the voice screamed out, what seemed like the last time.

"Could it be him?" Kirishima thought as he opened his eyes again and saw Katsuki's crying face the night his mom had been taken. That same night that his dad had been killed by a spy who infiltrated the household "It's a memory" the redhead thought as he then noticed the blue water above. "The surface!" he needed to reach it! He needed air!

As the surface came closer to his outreaching hand, he felt his time running out. Light flashed before his eyes as the last bubbles of the air, he so deeply longed for, brushed over his face. His mind got foggier as his muscles weakened without his premission. "No" he wanted to scream out "not now!"

Suddenly his arms gave in as he was paralyzed right in front of the light. His hair floated back upwards as it was pulled up by the water again. His body became heavy as it descended, as if it had gone in shock and couldn't function without the air it needed, except for his brain.

Kirishima's stared at his pale hands floating livelessly in front of him as the light got further away from him again. When he suddenly noticed two shadows at the surface behind his hands. Who were those two shadows standing in the water? He wondered as they seemed to be talking, but Kirishima couldn't understand what they were saying. His mind was shutting off as his liveless hands became less visible.

A numbness had just spread over his whole body, when he suddenly heard three words from the same breaking voice, but it now seemed to come from somewhere else.

"I-I'm so so-sorry"

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