𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.✓ completed

Untitled Part 13

Chapter Thirteen 

Willow

I don't know how long I stand outside, waiting for Beck. It could be seconds, minutes, hours—I'm too drunk to have a grasp on time. I know enough time passes that I finish my drink and return to drunken and comfortably numb land.

A light breeze blows strands of my long brown hair into my face as I stumble up to the railing on the back porch and stare out at the field just beyond Beck's backyard. I'm not sure what to do, if I should go back inside or wander to my car and pass out for a few hours until I sober up. I could go find a room to pass out in, but I doubt finding an empty one is possible, considering how many people are here.

Maybe I should just lie down on the porch and go to sleep. That kind of sounds nice ...

The back door creaks open.

"Hey, sorry about Titzi," Beck says. It's unnerving what a calming effect his voice has on me. "She can be a bitch sometimes. Don't worry; I reminded her of that."

"Her name is Titzi?" I glance at him as he walks up beside me.

He bites down on his bottom lip, fighting back a smile. "What's wrong with Titzi?"

"I don't know. It just sounds an awful lot like ditzy." I rest my arms on the railing. "And tits." It feels like I should be embarrassed for saying that, but I can't

summon up the will to care enough.

Thanks, Mr. Jack Daniels, for saving me from embarrassment.

Beck busts up with laughter. "Oh, my God, did my sweet, little Willow just say tits?" He turns around, putting his elbows on the railing, and squints at me. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Not too much," I lie. "And I've said tits before."

He stifles a laugh. "No, you haven't. You never say dirty words unless you're talking about your anatomy class or something, and that's scientific."

"I say fuck, which isn't scientific," I point out, offended. Why does everyone think I'm such a prude? Why do I suddenly care? Because you're druuuuunk. "And dick."

"That's not the same."

"How do you figure?"

"Because of how you use those words."

Puzzlement tap dances against my intoxicated brain. "I don't really get what you're saying. I'm not as innocent as you're trying to make me sound." Not even close.

"That's not what I'm trying to say." He chews on his bottom lip, and all of my attention focuses on his mouth. "When you use words like prick and fuck and dick, it's because you're pissed off, right?"

I nod, ripping my gaze off his mouth. "That's normal. A lot of people do that."

"Yeah, but other people also use the words in different ways besides to express anger." The porch light casts a glow across his face, highlighting the amused sparkle in his eyes. "Like, for example, saying, 'Hey, let's go fuck all night long in my room. We'll have hot, sweaty sex as I put my dick in your—' "

"Oh, my God, I get your point!" I throw my hand over his mouth, my cheeks erupting with heat.

His breath dusts across my palm as he chuckles, and I narrow my eyes despite my stomach somersaulting.

"Maybe I should be asking you how much you've had to drink tonight."

"Maybe a few too many," he admits, his lips tickling my palm. "All I was trying to say is that there's a difference between using dirty words to curse and using dirty words to turn someone on."

"You didn't turn me on." I squirm at the way my stomach coils.

He cocks a brow. "You sure about that?"

"Y-yes." I remove my hand from his mouth. "You probably should stop talking."

He arches a brow. "Why?"

"Because you're saying stuff ... and I ..." I shift my weight. "You're just saying this stuff because we're drunk."

"How do you know I'm drunk? Maybe I'm just finally saying what I've always wanted to say to you." When I gape at him, he sighs. "I may have drunk a little too much."

I hold up four fingers, I think. "Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?"

He squints one eye, leaning in. "Seven, ten, twenty-nine." His forehead bumps into mine, and we both giggle as he stumbles back. "Relax, princess, I'm not that drunk. I just like watching you blush. It's adorable." He skims his knuckles across my cheekbone, causing me to blush and shiver. Then he sinks his teeth into his bottom lip, totally aware of how he's affecting me.

"I shouldn't have worn a dress," I announce, wrapping my arms around myself, trying to downplay the shiver.

"I was a little surprised you did. I think I've only seen you wear a dress, like, maybe three times."

"I only did it because you told me I had to."

"I'm glad you did ... Although, I was kind of hoping you'd wear those shorts you had on the other night." His gaze drops to my legs. "God, your legs are so fucking hot."

Tingles tickle my skin, and I shiver uncontrollably. The last time I acted this way, we ended up kissing.

I nervously glance at the back door, feeling like I should bolt to my car. Through the door's window, I see Titzi laughing at something with thick neck dude. I recall what she said about me and frown.

"I don't know why you say those things to me," I mutter. "I know I'm not your type."

"Hey." He turns me by the shoulders, forcing me to face him. "You are ten times prettier than Titzi. You're ten times prettier than every single girl in my house. In Ridgefield. In America. In the world. All of the universe and beyond."

Prettier wasn't really what I was getting at, but I crack a tiny smile. "You took it one step too far with the 'and beyond.' Up until then, you had me."

He frowns, looking kind of sad and very unlike Beck. Usually, he's all about the smiles unless his dad's being a dick.

"Are you okay? You seem sad suddenly."

"I'm fine. It's just that ..." He unexpectedly laces his fingers through mine and yanks me down the porch and across the backyard. "Come on. I promised you a fun night, and I'm ruining it by being mopey."

I want to ask him why he suddenly went from rainbows and sunshine to depressing rain cloud, but I get distracted as he lets go of my hand and hops over the fence.

"Where are we going again?" I ask as I hoist myself over the fence and land in the field beside him.

He glances up at the glittering stars and the moon. Then he snags my hand and takes off across the field. "I'm not sure yet. Somewhere quiet ... where we can talk and watch the eclipse without any interruptions."

I peek back at his two-story house. The lights are like fireflies sparkling in the darkness, and the music is nothing more than a murmur. Peace. I feel so at peace right now, something I never expected to happen tonight. Maybe ever.

"What about Ari, Luna, and Grey?" I return my attention to Beck. "Maybe we should text them to see if they want to come out here. Ari's really into astronomy. He'll probably want to see it."

"Ari already knows about the eclipse," he replies, looking up at the sky. "He's the one who told me about it."

"Okay." I peer up at the sky, smiling as the stars dance in circles. Then I look at Beck and remember what happened the last time we wandered off alone at a party. "Still, maybe we should text him to see if he wants to come out here. The view is amazing. He'd love it."

"It looks the same anywhere else." He glances over his shoulder at me. "I want to hang out with just you for a little while, okay?"

Nerves bubble inside me as I think about the last time Beck and I wandered off like this. His lips touched mine, a butterfly kiss that made me completely, blissfully happy and entirely terrified. The day after was when I decided to limit our time together, to stop relying on him so much, to not set myself up for heartbreak.

Yet here we are again. Alone. Together.

It always comes back to him. Why is that?

Despite my apprehension, I allow him to guide me across the grassy field, our final destination unknown. Knowing Beck, we could end up anywhere. Vegas. Mexico. Locked in a closed theater for an entire night, which yes, actually happened once and was as fun as it sounds.

"Where's your head at, Wills?" Beck asks, tightening his hold on my hand.

"I was just thinking about stuff." You. Us.

"What kind of stuff?" He hikes deeper into the field, and I follow him without a second thought. "You're not worrying about money and school and shit, are you? I told you that you weren't allowed to do that tonight." He turns, walking backward, and gestures at the sky. "This is a worry-free night. No stress allowed. In fact, you're only allowed to appreciate everything that is peaceful and beautiful."

"I'm trying to, but it's hard not to worry sometimes." About you. Us.

He tsks at me, swaying from side to side.

I try not to laugh. He's so drunk.

Seconds later, I stumble over a rock and nearly fall on my face.

Okay, maybe I'm so drunk.

He giggles at my clumsiness, and a very unattractive snort erupts from my lips, which only causes him to giggle like a hyena.

"See? Fun, right?" he asks after his laughter dies down.

I nod, g