been a while

it's too much

Jean bursted out laughing, the boys face red with joy. Marco nervously followed with a chuckle. 

The two boys sat in a circle with the others. Connie, Armin and Eren all sat with their legs crossed so each of their knees almost touched. The air was almost deafening to Marco. It's been so long since he's ever seen the light of day. His memory after being eaten is nothing but darkness and a suffocating darkness. Nothing. He doesn't remember anything. Hearing Connie and Jean both laugh loudly as Armin follows with quiet giggles and chuckles is enough to make Marcos head burst. 

His brows furrowed as he felt a pounding headache thump in his head. Though it hurt to hear all these voices at once as soon as Jean turned to look at him he forced a convincing smile. They were all talking about how much Jean missed Marco, Connie mostly making fun of him for it. Making fun of how much he whined and cried over Marco. Which Jean didn't seem to mind. He just playfully laughed it off, Armin entertained by the two boys bickering. Eren just watched them, glancing at Marco every now and them with a dead stare that sent shivers down his spine. He simply smiled and waved, Eren responding with a shrug before turning back to the others. It left Marco confused and lost. 

Jeans arm flew over Marco's shoulders, yanking him against his shoulder. The freckled boy gasped and smiled up at him nervously, causing Jean to smile back at him. Though his smile was genuine. Jeans head turned back up to interact with Connie. 

"You know he'd cry over you a lot!" Connie blurted out, Jean stumbling on his words before cutting in before Marco could answer. "Wouldn't anyone cry over the dead?!" He sounded defensive and almost unsure of himself. The sigh that left Marco was unheard and ignored. The carpet they sat on was old and fraying with age. Marco tugged at the loose threads. They felt greasy and as if they would crumble under his fingers. He pulled away, not wanting to destroy the antique carpet they sat on with his bored little fingers. 

"Did you ever like anyone in the survey corps?" Jean's voice broke Marco from his daze. Tilting his head up, he looked at him with a questioning look. The freckled boy had no idea at all how the conversation git where it did. Crushes? Or was it about women? "Huh?" Was all Marco responded with. Connie pitched in to help explain to him what was going on. "There were so many beautiful girls! Come on you must have liked one!" Marco's eyes widened, his expression looking baffled. "Don't say were! there still are!" Jean was almost offended by the way Connie worded it. His brows furrowed though Marco spoke before either of them could start a fight of any kind. "No not really." Everyone looked at Marco with a surprised gaze. "No one?!" Jean asked. The freckled boy sighed, "No Jean. I didn't have any crushes."

Marco's words were such a lie it made him cringe at his own reply. Sure, he had a crush. But if he said he did they would try and figure out who. And he would never in hell tell them anything. He would never confess who it was he fell head over heels for. The person he would give up everything for. Not to them. He wouldn't tell them. 

"That's bullshit." Connie protested, though Jean spoke up to protect Marco's lie. Though it hurts to watch Marco let him. "Why would he lie? Leave him be Connie." Marco couldn't help but blush at those words, finally realizing the fact that Jeans arm was tight around his shoulders, holding him close. He was pretty warm and oddly comfy. Marco kept his eyes down at his hands, refusing to make eye contact with any of them. They continued to bicker again. 

Marco couldn't handle it anymore. His headache has only gotten worse, the pounding in his head getting more aggressive. He stood to his feet and began walking. "Marco?" Jean leaned back on his arm so he could look behind himself without falling. He turned back to face him, smiling and pointing to the bandage over his eye. "It hurts. I'm just gonna go ask Hange about the pain." 

Jean tilted his brows in, worried as he watched Marco continue to walk. The look he gave him right before he walked out the door left Jean baffled and concerned for his friend. "Think he's okay?" Jean asked Connie. The smaller man just replied by bursting out with laughter. Jeans glare quickly silenced him, replying before he got mad at his laughter. "Probably. He's Marco. If he can be alive after that he's fucking strong." "But he looked hurt." Jean turned back to look at the door again as if expecting him to walk back in. "No shit half his body is scarred." He looked at Connie again, this time unimpressed by his response. 

"Maybe he just needs some time." Armin's voice caught both the boys off guard, each of their heads turning to look at him. "Yeah. Probably…" Jean sighed and tried his best to dust any worry off his shoulders as he continued to talk with Connie. 

"Dammit…" Marco's back was arched and his shoulders raised as he leaned against the sink counter, letting the water pour off his face. The front of his hair was soaked, dripping over his face as he let out a long and exhausted sigh. He looked back up at himself through the mirror, his bandage gone. His eye was gone. Not bruised. Not blind or anything. His eye was gone. Nothing left but a dark void where it used to be. Seeing it made Marco's chest drop. It was painful to see. That a part of him was gone. One of his hands reached up to touch it but he paused before he could. Standing there with his hand near his eye and his mouth opened as he breathed heavily. "Jean…" he managed to let out before bringing his arm back down to the counter, sighing as his head dropped and eyes shut. He smiled and let out a pain filled laugh, letting out a small sob near the end of his laughter, reaching up to rub his eye, the one that was still there, with a small sniffle. His brows furrowed before he heard a knock at the door. The voice that followed with it calmed the sudden shock out of his moment. 

"How's your eye feeling after rinsing it?" Hange's voice was almost nice to hear compared to the boys loud bickering or the bathrooms echoing silence. "Better." Was all he could reply with. Hange slipped an eyepatch under the door. Marco could almost hear the smile in her voice. "It's like mine!" Hange's laugh was enough to fill Marco with a joyful warmth that made him smile. "We'll be like twins!" The only reply Hange got was a joyed Laugh out of the boy. "Thank you." "Good luck Bodt." 

He'd need it. He'd need that luck. With how he suddenly came back with no explanation as to how or why everyone's been attacking him with questions non stop. Its so fucking painful. He's still trying to recover himself yet people bombarded him with question and question. But he dealt with it. He kept a smile and went along with it. It's not like he was dying. It was just a bit stressful. He's been through worse. 

"I'll need it." Marco reached down to grab the eyepatch, putting it on before opening the door to see Hange standing in front of him. She put a hand on her hip, the other reaching up to fix his eyepatch, fiddling with it as she spoke. "Jean invited you to take a late night walk with him. He said to meet him near the stalls and if you don't want to go he'll just leave after it hits midnight." She finally pulled away, putting her hand on her other hip with a grin. "Sounds nice. You should go." Marco smiled, nodding to her before turning to face the hallway. "I think i'll go."