Mae

-𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕-

*At school*
I looked around me...I felt like I wanted to cry, sometimes I can control how shaky I am but you know...there are too many people to be afraid of...I'm afraid of everything, but then again I am someone to be afraid of.

I passed through the big crowds making my way to the cafe, there were still a few more steps for me to make it to the restroom, I felt my heart beat faster as more people passed by I clutched my bag in my arm, and try to come back to my senses, I built up the courage and passed through many people in the crowds as I can making to the restroom then I went in, closed the door and broke down.

To be honest  I don't know why I was breaking down. I was just tired and wanted to cry. I felt a speed of pace in my heart and a gush of salty tears coming down. I closed my mouth so no one could hear me. From the floor I crawled to the bathroom stall, I couldn't take a breath, just repetitive fast breathing and tears rolling down my cheeks.I calmed down and felt my head pounce.

There I am in the stall "calm down Mae think of something peaceful" (yea, as if something peaceful would come to mind) I tried to think of flowers but I've never experienced the comfort of flowers. I thought of one piece in my childhood. The only thing that came out was a rush of trauma that was just agonizing the pain I felt.

More repetitive forceful breathing I cried but simultaneously not trying to let anyone hear me.4 minutes passed when I was able to control myself after I stopped I came out of the stall and felt as if someone was continuing to knock my head with a hammer, I was looking down at the tears on my white tee and slowly walked towards the mirror,......my eyes were red as the red of a blood moon.

From the side of me I took a paper towel and wet it with cold water and covered it on my eyes, the only thing that didn't help was the thermal energy from my eye, it was heating them. My eyes were dry, my head still pounced, and deprived eyes.
........
"Oh gosh how can she be this ugly"

-𝙼𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙷 𝙾𝙵 𝙵𝙴𝙱𝚁𝚄𝙰𝚁𝚈-