Cigarette Daydream

I can see her standing next to me

[𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎]

(no ones pov)

Tonks and Kalytrix walk into Black manor. The place they are staying for the summer.

Kalytrix was happy she was going to be able to spend time with her dad, but at the same time all she wanted to do was lay down and stay down.

But of course when they got there, since they had to pack, it was dinner time.

Funnnn

She sits at the spot between Sirius and Remus, only because it was the only one left.

Molly served dinner. Steak, Potatos and green beans. With a side salad.

Her first thought was, 'That's a lot of food'

But she tried to eat anyways.

She sat at the dinner table with her friends and family, playing with her food because she wasn't hungry.

"Have you been studying for your owls?" Sirius asked Ron and Hermione.

They kept talking so she turned to talk to her other dad, but he was already talking to Fred and George.

She turned back to her food and stared at it while the sounds of their conversations and laughter filled her ears.

All she wanted was someone to notice her. She wanted to feel love.

(Kalytrix PoV)

I want her back. I could practically see her standing next to me, laughing, smiling.

I didn't notice I was crying until Fred reached over and wiped a tear from my face, snapping me out of my trance,

"Everyone is finished with dinner, we're waiting on you" His voice was soft, like the voice I once loved.

I push my plate in-front of me, the ache in my stomach only growing with each minute spent without her.

"I'm not that hungry" I mumble, everyone staring into my soul

Sirius scoffs, "Stop trying to bring attention to yourself, god, Kaly! Your just like your mother! Always wanting all the attention on you!"

My breath hitches in my throat, my mom was a traitor. A death eater. She was killed by the ministry. I didn't know about this until third year when Harry told me.

I feel myself start to shake, the pit in my stomach growing, "I'm gonna be sick" I say speed-walking out of the room.

"Look what you did now Sirius! She's your daughter for fucks sake!" I hear Tonks yell

I cant handle the pressure, the pain of it all.

A few months back I had the nasty habit of hurting myself, I have moved on from that to smoking. Which is arguably worse, but it's less noticeable.

I decided against it, but the cravings grew. So i took out a cigarette.

Yeah yeah it's bad for me but it helps.

I light it I hear a knock on my door, I quickly put it out, not even having time to smoke it.

"Hey, Kammie, it's Fred"

I sniff loudly, "Please go away"

He jiggles the knob, "Are you alright?"

"Yes! Just go away!"

I hear him sigh and his footsteps clamber away.

With a breath of relief, I re-light the cigarette, I stand by the window slowly smoking it, savoring the release.

I finish it a few minutes later, I walk out of my room, needing water.

Ginny, George, Fred, Hermione and Ron. All standing there. Waiting.

"Excuse me" I say in a tiny voice, they make a path and let me through

I make my way to the kitchen and grab a plastic water bottle out of the fridge

I close the fridge door and see Fred,
"Kam, are you alright, your really pale and I can't help but worry, I mean we were best friends a few years back and I can't bare to see you like this"

"I'm fine." I say quickly going back to my room.

I'm not fine.

I lock the door once again, this time laying in my bed, not getting a wink of sleep horrified that I am going to dream of Fleur.

And no I am not dropping the subject of her! She was my girlfriend! My best friend!

•

At around 9:30am, after a whole two hours of sleep, I hear a light knock on my door,

"Kaly, mum told me to get you for breakfast" I think the voice was Ginny.

I made a small "Mkay" and threw my lead-like legs over the bed. All I needed to do was make them think i'm fine.

I slid on an AC/DC sweatshirt and make my way downstairs

I made my way downstairs, into the familiar room. The dull ache in my stomach arising at the sight of the food.

My appetite went away with the smell of the salty food.

Stop mocking people with eating disorders! Your fine!

My mind rang as I sat down, everyone serves themselves, as did I.

I brought the fork of spaghetti to my mouth slowly, just a tiny bite.

I chewed the food slowly, my appetite growing a tiny bit. I finished about half the plate, Molly packing my plate with more insisting that I eat more.

I tell her that i'm fine, i'm full but Sirius looks at me sternly, "Your not leaving this table till you eat all your food"

I rest my forehead on my hand. Doesn't he get i'm grieving?! It's been less than a week!

Everyone finishes and excuses themselves, Fred, Tonks and George staying to keep my company.

Fred looks at me, at my plate, and to me again.

He gives a confused look but he quickly shrugs it off.

It's been an hour since everyone excused them self's, Molly walked into the room.

"Kal, if you can't finish your food all you had to to was tell me once your Father left, I know you need your space right now and all that matters is that you ate enough"

I smile at Molly. There it was. The utter happiness, the love I have been craving.

Without restraint I stand up and hug Molly.

Was life actually getting better?

You know what, tomorrow I will shower, go on morning walk, have human interaction and possibly make a move on Ginny- scratch that, it's too soon to make a move.

But I will do the rest. Plus eat three meals and possibly snacks.

I can do this.

~~~~~ 1150 Words ~~~~~