Reason to this madness (Jay Halstead x reader)

Hey (24)

y/n pov:

I felt like I was dreaming, I could hear their voices, Jay's, Gabby's, Kelly's, Shay's, Kim's, Mom's, Dad's but it was so distant I felt like I couldn't reach them. I tried answering but it never worked.

I opened my eyes, it was very bright it took a minute for my eyes to adjust but I knew where I was. I felt a tube down my throat, I turned to see Jay sleeping in a chair next to my bed, his hand holding mine.

I tried squeezing his hand so he would see that I was awake. Finding the strength to squeeze his hand was hard but it worked, he looked up to see me.

"y/n!" He was excited. "Will! Will!" He shouted for his brother.

I saw Will run in. "y/n, I'm gonna pull this tube out, it'll be uncomfortable but I'll make it quick, take a deep breath." Will instructed me. I did as he asked and he pulled the tube out of my throat making me gag and cough in the process.

I took a huge breath after the tube was out.

"Hey." I wheezed.

"How are you feeling babe?" Jay asked me.

"Gross." I coughed.

Will and Jay laughed. "Do you know where you are?" Will asked me as he flashed a light in my eyes and checked my heart.

"Med, Chicago Med," I answered. "How long have I been out?" I asked in a still very low raspy voice.

"3 days, you took a pretty hard blow, but you're doing way better. By this rate, you'll most likely be leaving the hospital by the end of the week." Will smiled.

"What day is it?" I asked Jay.

"Oh, it's Tuesday." Jay laughed.

I relaxed a little before realizing why I was here in the first place. I started feeling agitated. "Wait the guy he, he made me crash my car, he hit me-" I started to vent.

I could hear the machines around me beeping. "Woah Woah Woah y/n I need you to calm down, take a deep breath." Will tried to calm me.

"We got him, he's in jail, and he will be for the rest of his life. I'll make sure of it. You're safe." Jay held my hand.

I felt myself calm down again. I had some food brought in for me and while I was eating I started processing everything again. I let go of Jay's hand and pulled away "Jay...we're not together anymore."

"I forgot I never explained it to you." He whispered more to himself.

"Explain what?"

"I had to do it y/n, Damien, the guy who attacked you he made me do it..." He explained to me the threat he had made, how he had threatened to kill me.

"You could've talked to me." I sat up.

"No y/n I couldn't!" I could tell he was frustrated "I couldn't risk it y/n. I couldn't risk losing you, and if that meant that I had to get you away from me then I had to do it. Trust me y/n I wanted to tell you, talk to you and it killed me that it had to be this way but I thought I was protecting you, I thought he wouldn't hurt you. I'm so sorry." His voice was breaking.

I placed my hand on his cheek. "Jay it's not your fault, I would've done the same for you," I admitted. Jay was leaning in.

"y/n!" I heard my name being called excitedly, Jay and I pulled away when Gabby and Shay came running in.

Shay nudged Jay off to the side and they both hugged me from either side. "Hey, guys!" I groaned as they squeezed me making me a little soar.

"I'm so glad you're ok." Shay squeezed my hand.

"Well, I heard that's all thanks to you guys." I kissed their hands.

Gabby turned to look at Jay. "I guess he wasn't really a d*ck, maybe we were a little too hard on him."

I laughed. "Yeah, maybe we were." I winked at him.

"The guys from the firehouse wanted to come but you're still not allowed a lot of visitors, they're sending you all their love," Gabby told me.

I took a deep breath and I felt myself tearing up. "What's wrong hun is something hurting?" Shay asked me concerned.

"No I'm just feeling so blessed I have all of you guys to watch out for me, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for all of you." I felt tears of gratitude falling down my cheeks.