Love or Game (Complete✅)

Chapter 31 - "The unsaid goodbye..."

With an ambivalent heart, I take the folded paper. There is moonshine everywhere. Still, it is not enough to read a letter. I strain my eyes to get through the letters. Nandini halts my struggle.

"You can sit in my car and read because I don't want you to assume anything further."

The sarcasm is evident in her words. I ignore. She has every right to be rude.

"You can also come. It's quite late and you are alo..."

I stop myself abruptly. I probably have lost the right to even care for her. Nandini keeps quiet for a moment and gets up. We near to the car and get inside. Suddenly I feel an awkwardness which I was not feeling outside. We are sitting in a close distance, inside a closed surrounding. The scenario is familiar but the circumstance is different. Sometimes emotional distance makes us awkward even to our loved ones. She slides the button and switches on the car light. I hesitantly unfold the paper. It is a medium length letter written with trembling handwriting. I carefully start to read each and every letter. It shouldn't take more than 10 minutes to finish it. However, it took almost half an hour because I was reading every line more than once. I was trying to grok Ajja's every feeling which is reflecting in this paper. As I eventually finish the letter, a sigh of despondency let out my nostrils. Nandini was gazing outside all the time. Now, she mouths composedly,

"Ajja was wrong. He did an irreversible mistake but he was never intended to harm Navya. He could be the incidental reason for the death of her baby but he never wanted that. I know I may sound bias but I am not. If he had been any other person my opinion would have been the same. Perhaps that is the reason Ajja wrote this letter to me and not to any other. Perhaps he knew that I will try to understand him. I will at least listen to him. Perhaps he hoped that I will try to rectify his mistake which he couldn't do."

She pauses for a second. I can't see her face but I can feel that she is in tears. She continues,

"Sometimes we become the biggest fool. To save one person we actually ruin several lives. Ajja loved Bhai and his love killed Bhai's love."

Her voice has despair and emptiness which jabs my heart. In a mirthless tone I mouth,

"Like my love for my sister killed your love. Nandini till now, whatever I have done to you was my anger and my urge to seek revenge. I knew that the fire of my vengeance will burn me too. Still, I dared to play with this fire. But I forgot that hatred and revenge can't bring back my sister's happiness. However, when I realised, it was too late. I already burnt my heaven and I already broke the castle of my love. I know it will sound too lame now but still, I want to say, if possible, forget me because I am not worthy of your forgiveness. I am not good enough for you. I may mend the materialistic damage in your life but what about the emotional damage?"

I keep quiet for a moment and gather my courage. Today I have to confess everything. Before leaving her forever I have to admit my every sin. I gulp the hesitation and mouth,

"You were right...I didn't make love to you that night instead I raped you. I wanted to feel the same what I assumed that Cabir might feel when he...."

I can't continue. My voice gets choked with disgust. I expected Nandini to turn at me after hearing this. Instead, she keeps on looking outside. But I can feel a tremor in her body. One of her hands reaches her belly and she exhales sharply.

"Thanx, Manik you said that. You made all things easy for me. And about forgiveness......I don't think I can even forgive myself to love you."

She turns at me and palely smiles.

"I lost myself in you and then I lost you."

Her whisper almost mingles in the air. The moon is still shining in the dark sky just to witness our unsaid goodbye.