If You See Kay || n.h. [completed]

Vll : regrets

Niall-

Why did I have to follow her home in the first place? Why did my curiosity have to get the better of me? She could have told me about her Father in time, but no, I had to push her over the line, and I lost her. I shattered my happiness and my heart into a million pieces that I don’t want to pick up off the floor. I just want to sit in my bed all day and stare at my phone waiting for her to call me.

I was still wishing for it to buzz and have Kay’s name appear on my screen when Liam walks in with a letter in his hand.

“Harry said he saw a girl in a hoodie drop this off on the porch.” He says, “It’s for you.”

He throws the letter on the bed and walks out of the room. I pick it up and my heart races when I see my name in Kay’s hand writing on the envelope.

I tear it open and a piece of notebook paper and a photo fall out. The photo was from the last day I saw her, when we had a picnic. We were lying down on the blanket and she took out a camera and we took hundreds of pictures together.

This picture was one of when I told her to kiss me on the cheek and take a picture but right as she was about to I quickly turned my head and stole a kiss.

I looked on the back of the picture and written in pen was the words “Broken Arrow.” Like I had said in the text I sent her.

I open the letter and read it.

Dear Niall,

My god I am so sorry. I am going to leave town and go to university like any other girl my age. Going to start anew. I miss you. God I miss you so much, and I am sorry I shut down that one day you followed me home. I knew I was going to have to tell you one day, but I wanted to wait until I lived with my mum to say it. You deserve so much better than me, I knew that, and I guess that is most of the reason I didn’t want you to help me. I didn’t want you to get too attached, but I got way too attached to you as well and it hurt being ripped from your reach. I wish I had never even gone to that meet and greet. I would have never even had a chance with you and I wouldn’t have hurt you so badly. I know that our short fling reminds you of the song ‘Broken Arrow’ but to me it reminds me of the song ‘Walk Away’. It’s by The Script as well, and well, you needed to walk away before I hurt you beyond repair.

I also wanted to let you know not to worry about me, and not to look for me. You won’t find me. But Niall, please stop crying, I know you are right now. Go find another girl who loves you just as much as I did, and love her ten times as much as you loved me. You deserve it. I wish there were no regrets, but there are. I am sorry I hurt you Niall. I love you.

Goodbye Forever.

Kay.

My world shattered at her words and she was right yet wrong. I wasn’t crying, I was sobbing, choking on my tears.

She came here and dropped off this letter. I look at the picture and wish and would give anything to be there in that moment again.

I wouldn’t have followed her home. She could have been here in my arms and we could have been cracking jokes, eating, and I could have her in my reach. I wish all this money could buy me a time machine. But it can’t. I lost her.

I sit up and take the picture with me into the bathroom. I grab my shaving razor and wedge it open, taking the blades out. I remember seeing the cuts on Kay’s arms and decide that if I can’t be with her, I don’t want to be with anybody.

I started slow, telling myself that pain was for screwing everything up with Kay, and soon, after half of my memories of Kay had been replayed in my mind, there was no more room for my razor my right arm, so I switch and left the rest of the memories flood my mind until my eyes grow heavy.

I start to mumble the lyrics.

“When you shoot across the sky like a broken arrow

It’s so hard to keep yourself on the straight and narrow

When you shoot across the sky like a broken arrow

You fall off course,

Yeah, when you hit the ground,

It’s hard to get to heaven when you’re born hell bound.”

Just then the door opens and there stands Liam, his mouth open in awe.

“Niall! Oh my god Niall what did you do!” he says franticly, grabbing a towel and pressing it to my arms.

“Harry! Louis! Zayn!! Get in here I need help!” he yells to the other boys.

They all rush in and they know instantly what happened when their eyes find the broken razor shattered on the floor and the blood all over the sink.

Harry bursts out crying, while Louis grabs his phone, calling someone franticly. Zayn squats down next to Liam and tries to help him with my blood loss.

“Let me go, I have nothing left to live for.” I choke out.

“Buts its Kay’s birthday tomorrow Niall! Well find her if you stay, please Niall, hang on, people are on their way.” Liam says.

My eyes catch on the photo of me and Kay on the ground and I let out a weak smile, remembering her lips taste, but that’s when everything fades into black.