did you know in Gotham being a henchman/ henchwoman is in fact an acceptable part-time job for students? so long you are above the age of 14.
there's an ad on craigslist and all. in fact, there is an official hench hiring office. there's entire paperwork for it.
questions include:
1. what are your primary weapons?
2. how fine are you with killing? ( on a scale of 1 to 10)
3. do you enjoy torture? mental or physical?
4. how fine are you with gore? (on a scale of 1 to 10)
5. are you fine with dying?
6. what are your dream crime boss qualities?
7. do you prefer crime bosses or super villains?
8. are you scared of clowns? crows and scarecrows?
9. what temperature is ideal for a working environment?
10. do you like plants? animals?
11. what languages do you speak?
12. how prone to mental breakdown are you?
13. do you have prior experience with criminal activities? (if yes, what are your references?)
14. what is your degree? (if still a student what is your major)
15. do you have insurance? ( do you wish to have underworld insurance?)
16. would you rather your activities be action-based or research-based?
17. do you like cults?
18. do you have prior experiences with cults? (if yes, apply references please.)
19. do you know how to drive? (license is not needed.)
20. do you like serial killers?
21. are you a metahuman? ( what qualities you have? - any prior training?)
22. do you have any medical knowledge? (degree is not needed.)
23. do you have any prior experience with combat?
24. what is your preferred method of combat?
25. do you have an illegal identity?
26. do you have a suit? (do you wish for one to be provided? if yes the fee will be taken from your paycheck - student discount may apply based on the designated crime boss's terms)
27. do you have prior experience with death? (if yes, how the hell are you still alive?)
28. do you think people are mere zombies that need to be put out of their misery?
29. do you have an unstoppable desire to surgically fix people and make them perfect beings?
30. do you love chaos and anarchy?
31. do you consider yourself a drama queen?
32. how disciplined are you?
33. do you like puppets and ventriloquism?
34. what is your ideal workspace? (options include, city surface, sewers, ratholes, dingy apartments, towers, offices, warehouses, lofts, churches, zoos, greenhouses, docks, ships, on the road, etc.)
35. how fine are you to be used as an experiment subject? (death is a potential outcome. Q# 5must be answered positively.)
36. can you tolerate puns and or rhymes?
37. do you like riddles, puzzles, clue games, and pranks? (can you live with them as a constant in your workplace, that includes bathroom breaks as well.)
38.how fond are you of the famous 'Alice in Wonderland book? (preferably, you must be obsessed to an unhealthy degree.)
39. how often do you wish to hear your employer's tragic backstory monologue?
(apparently, Bane does that every 2 hours and has driven many mad.)
40. do you like mind games? mind fuck?
41. do you consider yourself a nerd, jock, geek, or an offputting outcast?
42. what do you consider your strong qualities to be?
43. what do you consider your weak qualities to be?
44. how fine are you with bad fashion choices? (spandex, half clothes, poor color match, terrible masks, etc.)
45. how fine are you with eco-terrorism?
46. are you fine with working and/or becoming a furry?
so yeah, and that's how I became Blackmask's coffee girl. that's it. that was my job. that is still my job. I wake up I get the man his weird coffee, take it to his work, give it to him, get my pay and be on my way 1,000 $ richer every day.
I even opted to write messages on his coffee cup for him. the man is a bundle of parental issues, confidence issues, self-image issues, perfectionism issues, and anger issues. I feel kinda bad for him.
his driver says it's been helping. fewer employees dead this month. only 20! which is great compared to last month's 45.
to say that Black masks are trigger happy is an understatement but improvements are best when they are slow and steady.
The lesson of today: be nice to people, occasionally compliment them. maybe fewer people might die because of that. and you will do your part in making Gotham a better place.
Ps. He gave me a nickname. - he calls me Pinkie pie. which begs the question, does my boss watch My Little Poney? I don't think I have the strength to know to face the answer.
anyways. like, comment, and remember Henchmen/henchwoman job history can not be in a normal work resume. OK?! remember there is a legal resume and an illegal resume. don't mix them up else you'll be sent to jail.
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