Against all Rules (wlw)

Chapter 6 - falling into the past - Sarah

I can feel her muscles as I grab her arm. No doubts, this girl is working out hard. Crap, that's not something I'm supposed to think about right now.

I feel her trying to get rid of me, holding her back. She turns around and gets really surprised when she notices I'm the one doing it. She doesn't say another word. Instead, she follows me out of the classroom. "You can't just punch another student because of me! What were you thinking?" I say shocked. Olivia burst out laughing. "You think I punched him for you? You're not that special, believe me." Her words kinda hurt me. This day really has already brought too much up in me. She must've noticed cause I can slowly see the anger leaving her face. " I just don't like assholes, that's all. Connor is a jerk. He doesn't deserve to be treated differently. And he for sure has no right to do that to you." I feel my eyes tearing up. I'm not used to hearing such warm words, especially not from her. "Thank you, Olivia." That is the only thing I'm able to say before I can feel the first tear running down my cheek.  I hate this! I hate that I lost control today, and now, it's happening again. My head starts to hurt extremely. Little dots start to dance in front of my eyes. All I can think about is Steve, my ex-husband. The pictures of him doing those horrible things to me start to appear again. I feel my lungs aching for air. The world around me goes fuzzy.

Suddenly I feel a hand caressing my back. I start to realize what just happened. As I open my eyes, I recognize the white-blue tiles of the teacher's changing room. I'm, no, we are sitting behind the little wall next to the shower. Olivia is holding me tight, softly speaking comforting words. How did she bring me here? I haven't had a panic attack like this in weeks. That should really scare me off, but somehow this girl is really calming me down right now. I don't even know what to say. I just want to feel this safety a little longer, don't want it to stop. At the moment I don't care who she is, that she is a student of mine. This is the worst thing that could've happened. All I can think about is my head, lying on her chest. Why did she do this? It's not exactly like we had the best start. "Are you feeling better?" I hear her say. "Yes. I don't know how to thank you." She carefully takes her hands off my back. It almost seems like she is scared I'm losing it again. "This, nobody can know about it. It would cost me my job. Not just because I'm sitting in the changing room with one of my students, also because I'm not supposed to break down like this at work." I try to explain. Olivia only looks at me with a soft smile and responds. "I know, it would be a shame, people knowing I can be nice." I start to feel much better, but I know this can never happen again. She is a student, and I'm her teacher. Right in front of her, I broke down. She saw me at my worst. Nobody has ever seen that. I gotta take back control, and I definitely have to bury this shit before it buries me.

We sat there for another five minutes in silence. Neither of us did know what to say. Something happened between us, and we knew it was gonna change everything.

Olivia was the first one to get up again. She walked towards the door. Before opening it, she turned around. "Don't worry, it's gonna be okay, I promise." With that, said she stepped outside the door.

For ten minutes, I just rested there. The promise she made confused me. She can't say something like that. Maybe I should ignore it. There is no actual way she could be there for me. Even if I wanted her to, I can't risk it. No one ever has made me feel this secure. I had many panic attacks back then, despite the fact, Steve was gone. I can't help but secretly hoping, for Olivia to keep that promise. This girl is going to get me in trouble. The second I saw her, I knew it. My head tells me to stay away from her, but how long am I going to be able to do so?