It's Always Been You

Meeting you feels the same as the first time

I was sitting on the sofa for quite sometime but there was no sound in the room.

Honestly I was shaking inside. Didn't know what to say.. The guilt was killing me inside.

"You are staying with him now aunty? What about nong Phoom?"

"Phoom is at my mother's house. I cannot leave Pharm alone now, I am afraid he can do anything to himself." Pharm's mum said coldly. She was always so kind and joyful to me and Korn, always supported their relationship. This side of her, I have never expected to see her like that.

"It's been two weeks, although he is acting normal now, I know he is hiding his pain from me.... I was always worried for my baby, but after meeting you guys, I thought my Pharm is so lucky. I never thought a day like this will come in my Pharm's life.... How can I blame him? When I myself was not able to see the future of their relationship."

"I also never thought Korn can change like this aunty......."

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

We talked for half an hour but there was no sign of Pharm. His mom told me he has become quite like this. I went to the rooftop where he was bathing his dog. That time..I saw my Pharm again, but this time I almost couldn't recognize him.

😓😓😓

There he was standing.. Trying to dry off his dog's furry body with a towel.

"Nong Pharm...."

Pharm looked at me and froze. He took a few min to realise it's me. His eyes were not sparkling like usual.. They seemed empty.. But little surprised to see me.

"P'Dean....."

The voice had the power to shake my heart even after so many years..

Slowly those lips curved a little bit. His smile felt so unfamiliar, who is he, this cannot be my nong Pharm.

Pharm acted very normal. I was hoping he will curse me, blame me, maybe slap me for convincing him to be with Korn. But he did nothing like that. Instead he cooked for me, told me about his problem at his job place, how he lost the job, and now was looking for something new. How he is interested to open a restaurant here.

Not even for a single time he asked me about Korn or told me about his break up. If it was not Manaow I would have never known about their break up at all.

I couldn't take it anymore. I told him not to pretend like that, to be angry with me, I also tried to console him by saying I will make Korn understand what he was doing was not right, besides he still cared about him, that means he still loves nong Pharm, it's just the family pressure that was making him do things like that.. I told him I will take care of everything, I will make nong happy again..

The reply I got stabbed my heart with pain even more..

"Why will you do that for me P'Dean? It has nothing to do with you. You don't need to feel guilty. The decision was mine to be with him in a relationship. No one forced me. you told what you felt. And I did what I felt to do at that moment. I loved him with all my heart. He also loved me. Now he doesn't feel the love. So he left me.

Plus, PDean and me..the unnamed relationship we have, is the one I always treasured. But now I feel like I have used You enough for my happiness. I should be more independent now. You are free to go P, so does PKorn...."

😔😔😔

Pharm bit his lips and hid his face.. Maybe the name triggered him again..

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

I saw tears in his eyes.. I just couldn't handle the pain. I stood up and hugged him tightly, "Don't worry nong, this will pass, we will go through this together, I am not going anywhere. You will eventually find someone else..who will love you more than Korn.

First love is unforgettable, I know it hurts like hell, I know the pain very well, but trust me, we can find someone better.. I will find someone for you.. Everyone deserves a second chance.. give yourself a second chance nong...."

"P'Korn was not my first love........"

"...............!!!!"

"and I already gave myself a second chance P'Dean........"

..............

😰😰😰

"Now it's enough for me.. I don't think I can handle the pain again.. It's better not to fall in love again."

💔💔💔

With this line.. Pharm just left me then and there. I found myself standing foolishly in his bedroom.

I was so shocked that I couldn't even move. If I remember correctly Pharm said to Korn he was never in a relationship before. Then.. why he just told......

"Dean I think you should go now. You can see he is not in a state...." Pharm's mom couldn't finish..

"Aunty .. Korn was Pharm's first boyfriend, right? Or, there was someone else?"

"No, Pharm was not in a relationship with anyone else except Korn. He liked someone when he first joined the University if I remember correctly, but was never in a relationship as per my knowledge. Why? Did he say something to you?"

............ Something hit me hard. I held the desk in front of me to keep my balance still.

"The one he liked when he joined the University was not Korn?"

"No, how can it be Korn? He was crying on the phone and was saying again and again, his first love will always remain an unfinished story. He never hides anything from me. But didn't tell me who it was. I also didn't ask and respected his privacy on that matter. I don't know why you are asking though, it was long ago. Will it help him to overcome his pain now?"

"Can it be possible to know who it was now? Maybe I can.. "

"He used to write everything about his University life in his diary. You can look there, maybe you can find something.. I saw the diary in the store room, Korn returned all the gifts and their couple things, and they were also kept in there. I will throw them out soon. I never asked him, but do ask him Dean.. what he wants to do now? I want my child to be happy again, I cannot see him like this anymore...."

»»--♡--««

Hi my cuties! How r u all doing? Hopefully you are all being safe and healthy! This is a very short chapter, but no worries I am gonna update soon.. Hehe ^^ Meanwhile enjoy ice cream and stay home as much as possible!

Love you all. Chao!