I loved you then, I love you now, and I won't stop loving you ( n.h )

Chapter seventeen

*ariana*

I wake up on Niall's chest. Sunlight is shining onto us and lighting up the room. Last night was hot. I couldn't imagine a night better though. I know Niall is the one. There is no one in the world that could ever replace him. And that is a fact.

"Good morning Ariana." Niall says. I look up at him and smile. "Good morning Nialler." I say and he smiles. This feels like a perfect moment. "I'm going to go get dressed. I'll be back in ten minutes." I say and get up.

I'm completely naked so I grab one of Niall's oversized hoodies and slide it over my head. I feel his eyes watching my movement and I smile to myself. I walk out of his room and into my room. I close the door behind me and take his sweatshirt off.

I put on a blue crop top and jean shorts. I brush my hair out then pull it behind my ears. Then I hear constant banging coming from Niall's room. Oh no.

*niall*

Ariana leaves my room and I smile to myself. I put on a black T-shirt and skinny jeans. I really don't deserve her. I don't deserve her. I think that thought thoroughly and get angry at myself. I know I will fuck up again. I know it, I know it, I know it. I will never, in a million years, be good enough for her.

I don't deserve her.

I walk to the other side of my room and punch the wall. I punch it with both my fists and they start bleeding. "I don't deserve her." I murmur and continue to punch the wall. I see my fists becoming purple.

My fists feel numb but I don't stop. I stop then go to my bathroom. I grab a blade I used when I was locked up in here and put the tip to my skin.

I don't deserve her.

The door opens and a frantic, worried Ariana comes in. I put the blade down and she rushes over to me. I she wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me.

I gently pull her arms down and send her a look into her broken eyes. I sit down in the shower and turn the water on so no one can hear us. I feel freezing water land on my body. I close the shower door and curl up into a ball.

I don't deserve her.

I shut off the whole world and just focus on the pain that should be worse. Then the door opens and Ariana kneels down in front of me while getting soaked by water. I look up at her crying.

I stretch my legs out. I look at Ariana and she sits down so one leg is on each side of me. I look into her eyes and she frowns. She hugs me again but I stay where I am.

I don't deserve her.

She kisses my wet hair then cups my face. She kisses me gently. "It will be ok. Let out all your emotions." I whispers and I nod. I then feel this burning in my chest.

My throat tightens. My heart stops. My eyes light on fire. "Your having a panic attack." She says quietly.

I don't deserve her.

I pull my hair as hard as I can. "Hey hey! Stop!" Ariana says and pulls my hands away. I take Ariana off of my lap and walk out of the shower. Ariana follows me. I punch the mirror above the sink.

It shatters and explodes around the room. I then turn back and see Ariana frozen in her spot. Eyes filled with shock. I go back in the shower and hit my head on the wall.

I don't deserve her.

Ariana pulls me away and kisses me. I kiss her back but cry while I do it. She pulls away and wipes my tears. "Leave! I don't deserve you." I yell but whisper the last part.

She ignores me and sits me down. She sits on my lap. Farther up this time so it's harder to move her.

I don't deserve her.

"No." She kisses me. "I." She kisses me again. "Don't." And again. "Deserve." And again. "You." Then one final time, she kisses me.

I stay quiet. I ignore her kisses. I pretend I'm alone. Her lips touch mine but I don't feel them.

I don't deserve her.

"I'm ashamed of myself." My voice was almost whisper. "For being another person in your life that will drain all your energy and counting to leave you with problems in return."

She stays silent. She looks at my eyes and thinks. "Your just too nice. Your too caring Ari." I say. The panic attack was now gone.

"But I'm willing to give my life for you Niall. You might not, but I will. Because, yes, I do love you. I love you more than I intended. I never thought I'd end up here but I did. And I'm so happy that I did. I will do anything for you. Anything. Even if I could get killed, hurt, put in jail, etc." She says and keeps my face cupped in her small hand.

"Someday I will marry you." I say then kiss her. I feel her soaking wet hair in my hands. She kisses my bottom lip and shower water gets into my mouth.

I kill her full on the lips and she pulls me closer by my neck. I lean us forward and kiss her with all the love in my heart. Every bit of it.

This kiss felt different from others. It wasn't magical. It was real. It was the most real moment in my life. When it came to her. I lived in a fairy tail.

She was a beautiful princess and I was the prince who somehow made her happy. Who put her puzzle pieces together. The other half of her heart.

I pull away. "I'm half a heart without you. Without you I'm only half of myself." I simply say and she smiles bigger than I've ever seen her smile. At least she knew the lyric.

"I'm half a heart without you." She agrees and laughs a little. She swipes the hair that was stuck to my forehead back and kisses me. I play with her hair while kissing her back.

Since two years ago when I met her, everything has changed. Back then it was all fun and games. Now it's love or nothing. I pull away again.

"If the whole world was watching. I'd still dance with you." I say and she immediately cries. "I don't think I can love anyone more than you." She says and pushes me down then lays down on top of me.

She kisses me again and water falls onto us. Life won't ever be the same. Not with Ariana here. I never want her to leave.

Okay I know that was a short chapter but I can't add anymore bc then I will have to finish it in the next chapter but I have other plans for that😉! I already started that chapter too so it should be out in an hour or two!