Worries

Mother

I'm so thankful for my mother, she taught me so many life lessons. She taught me that my house isn't my home by ignoring me when I needed someone to make me feel safe. She taught by example that emotional manipulation is an art that I can master by being nice when I need something, but to never forget to be cruel afterwards. According to my mother, the way I should be treated is based on how much money my degree will make me. She convinced me that if someone loves me, there is something wrong with them and if someone accepts me, they are a scam. My mother taught me that trusting her is a mistake, that lying is normal and even good. She showed me that caring about how others see our family was more important than her child's feelings. She brainwashed me into thinking that my worries are fake and that I suffer for attention. I still have things to learn though, I want to know why I feel ungrateful every time I look at her. Why I make excuses when she makes me miserable. Why I feel guilty every time I think about life without her.