The Fall Bride (TSBS-3) ON HOLD

Chapter Four

At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

– Albert Schweitzer

Janet Julien

From the young age, I was careful to the point of assessing every little thing and backing away when things aren't going my way. Grandma always used to nag me for standing still in dilemma for at least ten minutes before the aisle in the grocery store or a bookshelf in the library. I never dared to let go of her hand even whenever we went out in fear of something happening to her or me. 

Living without parents from the age of seven could transform a bubbly kid to a guarded one. I was five when mom passed away from cancer. I didn't really remember much when she was ill and stuck in the hospital when one day she never came back. But I had the memory of my dad sitting on the armchair, drinking away all the time. So, it wasn't a surprise when one day he, too, never came back. I was seven when the cops came to our house, talking about drunk driving into a tree. 

After that day, Grandma Joyce became my parent. She was my paternal grandmother. Vaguely, I could remember I had an aunt, my father's older sister, but she became distanced when I came into the care under Grandma. Although the insurance covered little of my upbringing, Grandma never asked for help from the daughter who abandoned both of us. She had always been working to keep a roof over our head and bring food onto the table until I took over for her from my teenage years. Perhaps, I was to blame for her current state as she overworked for years to keep me in her care. I wished I could shift her to a better facility. I would spent millions for her, but money wasn't the only issue in getting her into the best one in the city. It required great connections and recommendations which were hard for me, but I wasn't giving up.

Growing up, I made sure I was always busy so that I wouldn't be shocked or distraught about surprising news anymore. I was always prepared, always careful with thousands of details devising in my brain.

Nothing was ever done spontaneously in my case. Everything required thinking twice or thrice. Since surprises scared me, I always worked best with a well thought out plan. Becoming a whiz in the world of texts, I thrived on taking my time to conjure up the whole point and note it down before I concluded my insight. 

However, there was a hard reality I had accepted for myself since I became an adult.

My brain worked best on caffeine, but it was a lost case on alcohol. It made me realize I wasn't always in control of my brain. 

Four years ago, my cautious side went out of the gate. I was a stupid, young adult, vying for a night out of the planned life ahead. A night where I threw caution to the wind. Who knew my reckless night would come to bite my ass? 

Yesterday, when I had asked for a day from him, I thought I would be prepared with a report to make my case. I thought if we were really married, something that I still find hard to believe, I would give him a divorce without even asking questions, but there was Caden to think about. I couldn't keep him away.

But the man before me was a sharp contrast to the man I had met that night. The lone stranger in the bar would had listened to me, but the Ivan Dwayne I met today, hardly resembled the impression I had. I would've told him, of course, but he never even gave me a chance.

For that one thoughtless mistake, I was sitting on the couch of my living room, dreading the storytelling I had to do in the playroom later today. The maker of that mistake was sitting before me with a grimace on his striking face and the only thing that had me stopping from kicking the man out was the paper on the coffee table.