The Fall Bride (TSBS-3) ON HOLD

Chapter Eighteen

You can't answer a question without being confronted by another question. The answer to that next question is what brings improvement.
― Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel

Janet Julien

The window from the kitchen overlooking the blue ocean was in sharp contrast to the view I had of a high wooden fence, back in my hometown. It reminded me of how free I could be if I let myself, here in Ivan's house with Ivan by my side.

That was what he intended...or wanted when he had invited me to live here for a month. He could be smart that way, always planning ahead, but he was not at all smart in expressing himself. Maybe that was why I had been having trouble falling for him. Just as he had said, it wasn't impossible to fall for each other when we had been so compatible with each other, living in close quarters, with an even combusting and passionate sexual attraction between us.

Anyone would've fallen for each other if they were in our place. If only I let myself. 

It made me question how long could someone take before he realizes he needed someone, that he could be something more, that he could sleep peacefully every night if he would just talk. I could bet a thousand dollars that Ivan had never done counseling. Figured his childhood wasn't the best, that he grew up resenting his own father, suffered from emotional wounds right by his mother's side. For someone to live with such circumstances, I had to admit he grew up to be an intellectual fine man, who knew what was right and would do anything to make everything right as well.

For that only, I opened up to the attraction I felt for him, but to give him power over my feelings, my heart, that would require him to realize what I could be for him if he would just let me. Ivan was a fine, sturdy-looking man, but he had scars he was afraid to show. The scars could be his years of torment, trying to be a man completely opposite to his father, and being a member of a dysfunctional family.

If he could realize that I wasn't a prejudiced or prude woman, I would be ready to give him all the strength he needed, but Ivan wasn't ready. And neither would I force him to be. I wasn't stupid. I knew we had the potential to be something great, something loving which would be ideal for Caden. 

But I would never settle for something less. I had also grown up in a dysfunctional family. With parents who were lost too soon, an aunt who had to abandon me, and a grandma who had to work every day to keep me fed and clothed, I knew there were times I wished for a fairytale family. I believe I deserved it. 

Just like Ryan who wasn't ready to be committed to a child who wasn't his, I wouldn't settle for a man who wasn't ready to be completely honest, who trusted me enough to share himself― all the things that made him, from a scarred man to the dysfunctional family. 

Upstairs, Caden was having a video call with his friend, Sophie. They had been doing homework as well as having their weekly art sessions. All hail to the technology. That left me enough time to work on our dinner in the kitchen. Although Ivan said he would bring pizza, I worried it wouldn't be enough. 

Ivan was an excellent cook. He had some leftover pesto sauce, so I was in the midst of making an easy pesto pasta when there was a buzz from the front gate. It had been almost seventeen days since I started living in this house, and never had the front gate buzzer ring, which meant this was an unknown person.

I checked the security system and saw an unfamiliar car out front. It wasn't visible who were the unwanted guests. So, I did the smart thing. 

Pulling up the favorite list, I called Mark. Ivan had one of the most beneficial friends, and I knew he would be handy.

"Mark, there's a strange car out front." I informed without even a 'hello'.

"I know," Mark replied instantly. "I can see it. Don't buzz it in. I know who's it. Ugh, this will be messy. Ivan's going to have a fit."