The Fall Bride (TSBS-3) ON HOLD

Chapter Twelve

Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.

― André Malraux

Janet Julien

God knew how I avoided Ivan for the rest of the day after coming back from the museum. As it was, my fluttering mind and heart weren't at peace even when I took a seat beside him on the passenger seat the next day.

I sneaked a glance at him as he maneuvered his favorite Wrangler Jeep, looking as composed as he wasn't yesterday.

No longer did I doubt this man's intention toward my son as I had looked upon his astounded face while his green eyes conveyed teary emotions that were never before shown in my presence.

As troubled as my mind was, the sky was as clear as ever, bestowing direct sunshine over his tanned face and arms, as he leaned on the windowsill and drove without any remnants of yesterday's demonstration. If he did have any residue feelings from yesterday, his shade was masking it very well.

I laid my eyes on the arm that was loosely draped on the windowsill; bronzed arm most assuredly from the years spent under the scorching sun in the Middle East. From my memory that was coming in folds, I could remember all his sinew and muscles that had been lighter in complexion and kept me worked up all night in that hotel room. Although his relaxed posture was a staggering declaration of nonchalance, he couldn't keep it up for longer under my watchful eyes.

I knew the exact moment he felt the extent of my scrutiny as his hand tightened on the wheel, and he shifted in his seat, probably anxious about a question that wasn't meant to be asked.

Facing the long road ahead, I shuddered a breath.

"I'm sorry."

Now I could feel his eyes on me, as he probably was as shocked as I was at my apology, but I didn't let him speak before I finished what I shouldn't have started.

"I shouldn't have asked you that."

With bated breath, I waited for his response when he peeked at the sleeping child at the backseat before saying. "Don't be. Never apologize."

More chaffed at his vague reply, I tried to keep it bayed so that he couldn't read me further.

"No, it was a personal question after all."

From the corner of my eyes, I saw his throat bob as he swallowed. "It's not like tha---I mean--that's n----"

"I shouldn't have asked something which wouldn't be answered." I intervened, making sure my frustration didn't come to show at his floundered response. "I should've known better." When I saw him shake his head, I turned in my seat completely and faced him head-on knowing exactly where his eyes would be even if he hid behind his shades. "Why? Would you have answered? or did I depict it wrong?"

No longer composed, he steered the wheel with both hands tightly until his knuckles turned white yet kept his mouth tight-lipped.

Sighing, I turned to my side of the window, muttering under my breath. "I figured."

As much as I was an extrovert, I wasn't as intrusive as people might think. I never probed into someone's thoughts or actions, but seeing how he reacted to Caden's acknowledgment, I became overwhelmed.

The weight and the guilt of keeping my son away from his father were heavily drowning me since the day he opened his small eyes. When I heard him call Ivan his daddy, I felt relieved and moved to finally see him find what he had lost from birth.

But Ivan's action once again caught me off guard just as it did on his first meeting with Caden. It had frightened me more than I let on as I saw his aghast self. Then when his quivering face, overcome by emotions that were ten times stronger than I had felt, focused on me, I felt more burdened than relief.