Keeping Secrets

I need a do-over

PEYTON

There were young, college-aged people—like me—milling around everywhere near the campus center. It was late August in South Carolina, and the weather was exactly what you'd expect: scorching hot and sunny. The students were dressed accordingly—girls in short shorts and tank tops, boys in athletic shorts and t-shirts.

We, and by that I mean my mom and me, drove slowly past the crowds, trying to avoid hitting any of the more careless students as they jaywalked across the street without paying too much attention to the cars trying to get through. It was move-in day for the college freshmen and the campus was buzzing with activity.

"You need to make sure you watch where you're going, Peyton," my mom commented in her familiar judgmental tone, even though I was sitting in the car next to her, watching the same thing she did.

"I can't believe all these kids are walking like they own the damn street, without a care in the world. This is an actual street, you know," she lectured like I'd thought anything different. "Not just some college walkway that gives preference to students on foot. You actually have to pay attention."

"Yeah, Mom, I know," I replied, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice.

"I'm just saying this isn't like high school. There are over thirty thousand students at this place, and they all seem to think they are invincible."

Well, the university had that many students enrolled, but they weren't all on campus. The upperclassmen didn't move in until the end of the week.

She shook her head, muttering under her breath, but I tuned her out, and turned my attention back to the view outside the window. Majestic buildings with perfectly manicured lawns lined the street across from the campus. Many of them had Greek letters above the doors, and even though I had no clue what any of them meant, I knew enough to recognize they symbolized a sorority or fraternity.

The area was beautiful. We had visited the University for a tour before I got accepted, but I hadn't paid too much attention to the area surrounding the campus. I'd been too busy imagining what it would feel like to attend the school. To get out of our small town...

The campus had a charming, old-world feel to it, with its towering mature trees and cobblestone-lined walkways. Sure, there were newer buildings, especially the ones for science and engineering, but they were tastefully designed and somehow managed to blend in with the rest of the area. The dorm rooms and the library were a bit outdated, but charming, and not like the cookie-cutter setups I had seen at other campuses.

My mom continued her rampage about the dangers of college life. I had heard it all before—countless times—and knew from experience that acknowledging her concerns would only make it worse. Complaining was how she coped when she felt overwhelmed, and it was clear that me moving into a college dorm was out of her comfort zone.

For most of her adult life, she had been a stay-at-home mom. Her days revolved around cooking, cleaning, and looking after her family. School drop-offs and pickups, organizing playdates when we were younger, and later, shuttling my brother and me to soccer and football practices had been her routine.

I understood that this was all new to her. It was new to me too. My mom had never gone to college, and since I was her oldest child, I was also the first one to leave. She wasn't used to change and was never one to step up and take charge on her own. She left that up to my dad.

He, on the other hand, had no problem bossing people around and telling them what to do. He was always busy. Even today. Me getting dropped off at college couldn't interfere with his important job. He was on a flight to Indianapolis for another one of his conferences.