Dreaming is easy,

No Man's Land

I don't usually wake up in the middle of the night but when I do, I don't get back to bed. That's probably the most normal thing about me if I'm being honest. It's so hard to go back to sleep, I'll just stay up for hours wondering about my life.

Does Blair actually like me as her "bestie" or will she turn into my cousins? She knows all my secrets after all, will she tell them? She's very supportive and so nice to me, is she actually my friend or does she pity me?

Does mom and dad pity me? They tried to get me therapy after it happened, is it because they love me or they couldn't stand having a depressed daughter any longer? Do they even accept me as I am? Do they even love me? Why was I born? What's the point of being on this planet?

My thoughts spiral down into my own imaginary inferno until I can get up without anyone questioning why I'm up so early.

I tiptoe to the bathroom and as I wash my hands, I stare at myself in the mirror. How can someone be so ugly? My parents are beautiful people and I just look like I came out of a sewer pipe. I have 99 problems and being pretty could solve 98 of them.

My dad makes my mom and I, eggs, bacon and toast for breakfast. I load the eggs on the buttered toast, lay my bacon on top of it, and finish it off by cracking our pink Himalayan salt over my creation. My dad asks me, "Do you want to go to the basketball practice with me and I'll take you out to ice cream later?"

My mom raises her eyebrows at me. Blair and her definitely have some type of deal going on and now I have to go. It's just a basketball practice, nothing bad is going to happen, no one's going to talk to you except some mothers, your cousins won't even be there... "Sure." Everything will be fine. It's okay... everything is gonna be just fine.

I slap another piece of buttered toast on my eggs to complete my sandwich. Everything is going to be just fine.

I take a bite of my sandwich. My mom and dad blink at me... on second thought, I think I might die.