DLMLU ~ Hiatus ~

Vacillating

vacillate; Verb

gerund or present participle: vacillating alternate or waver between different opinions or actions; be indecisive.

"Minho!" A masculine voice shouted. Minho covered his ears hoping it would go away. But to no luck the voice went off again. Laced with torment and anger. Poison like a snake bite as Minho blood seared through his body as the adrenaline punched him.

"Get your ass down here!" Fathers voice roared through the house. A vision of a 7-year-old Minho hiding in the bedroom. Felix wasn't home from school yet. He himself was grounded, left alone in the house with two known figures. He slowly padded over to the door unlocking it carefully. Sliding his feet on the carpet and sat down at the stairs where he could see his father standing with a belt. It horrified the boy to think even logically anymore, his body shook like and earthquake. His head about to explode yet he couldn't move and inch from the top of the stairs. Before Minho had a chance to move his father had already made his way up the stairs. Still stuck in place his fingers gripped his own arms, nails digging roughly into his already bruised skin

"Brat! Do you know why you're being punished!" He yelled out as the young boy flinched. He gripped the roots his hairs making Minho yelp in pain. Tears falling down his face.

"Do you!?!"

"Yes... I-I- I'm a bad son. I'm bad!" Minho screeched out holding his father's hand that gripped his hair. His body bounding and earning more bruised as his father continued dragging him down the stairs. He knew he would have bruises after this. Throwing Minho against his usual corner his shaky hands placed against the wall. Breathing heavily trying to muster as much strength he could for what was to come. He didn't know one hundred percent of why he was being punished but he would repeat the words his parents would say to him.

One hit became two, two became three and after that... he lost count. His mind spinning and blanking out, he practically saw squiggles with how tight he forced his eyes shut. The countless times of pain that started becoming a daily thing. He just expected it. After a while there were no tears.

"You deserve this. You made our life a hell!" Mother would yell. Her hits weren't as bad but the words she spoke laced themselves with poison. Every day making Minho believe them more and more.

He was a terrible child. He could see his younger self standing... The older version of him watching himself as he was whipped and beaten to a pulp. With each piercing scream became silent. Watching as his body grew and his mentality dwindled.

He could see his younger self crumbling. He can remember every single thought that travelled through his head.

Minho didn't belong there.

Minho deserve this.

No one will love him...

Minho believed he was fucked up in more ways than one.

"Min?" An ever so soft low voice whispered as he felt himself being shaken. He struggled to even open his eyes but once he did, he saw Jisung laying off the bedside holding his hand sleeping as if scared to let Minho slip away. It made Minho feel a small ounce of guilt, but warmth surrounded his hand afraid to let it go as well and Felix whose deep red hair was a mess and eyes bloodshot.

"Min! I'm sorry!" Felix hugged his brother tightly.

"Lixie..." Minho mumbled back quietly. It came all racing to Minho with what he attempted to do a last night. What should have been just going for a walk to cool his head and filter the pain he was feeling turned into an episode of trauma ripping him from the inside out. He wanted an escape route. He wouldn't say he wanted to end his life, he rarely ever thought that way. So, to himself he didn't even understand what caused him to fall apart.