DLMLU ~ Hiatus ~

Bad Habits

☆ミ　☆彡

"Minho-Hyung, where are you going?" Felix asked walking behind  shuffling his feet to keep up with his brothers alarmingly fast pace. Minho lengthened his strides down the hall evern though Felix was right on his heels. He needed to de-stress and there was only one way he knew how.

It was Tuesday which meant if he remembered correctly the closest underground would be at the main hub.

He needed to get out, he felt suffocated.

"I'm just going out you don't have to worry Lix. Promise. Ill be back by this evening sometime."

"Hyung... cam I come with you then? Brotherly bonding time?" Felix said with ease forcing Minho to take a deep breath.

"No." Minho blankly stated.

"Why not? If you're going on a walk, let me join." Felix egged.

Minho groaned turning around making Felix run into his chest. He held his brothers shoulders looking down, feeling him shake underneath the tension. Felixs worried eyes practically begging him to stay. It was like he knew.

Felix could read Minho the best out of everyone. And when he wanted to keep things short, brief and too the point it was bound to be because of one thing.

"Lix... If you think I'm not gonna cone back, you need to relax. I won't leave you alone." Minho pulled him into a hug again before smiling feintly.

"Trust me. Okay? I'll be back tonight."

"You- you're going to those fights again aren't you!" Felix asked accusingly. Of course Minho couldn't say no. He had a duffle bag sitting at the door already waiting for his hastey exit.

"That's why you don't want me to come. You got into those damn things again right?!" Felix stammered out. Striking every nerve in Minho.

"We talked about this Hyung! You promised me!"

Minho looked at his brother guilty. He did promise, but it was easier said than done.

He covered his brothers mouth carefully. Making him widen his eyes. His deadly glare pierced his brothers gaze. He didn't need the others knowing this. And his loud mouth brother wasn't going to be the first person to out him.

He had told the others he was going out as well. Jisung looked confused and picking his nails. Chan looked at the older as if he knew he needed to get away. And well Seungmin was nowhere to be found once again probably with Hyunjin. Changbin was out and about as well, so who knows maybe he'll see him along the way. He needed time and space right now since that day. It etched itself into his mind more and more. He wanted to forget. He couldn' let himself become consumed by the addiction he started craving every time he got close to Jisung. It was hid fault. He was faulty. He couldn't do it. Minho couldn't pull himself together that years of trauma have passed and that he won't give himself this one chance. He hadn't been sleeping properly again. He would lay there awake and its been three days. His tired eyes barely staying open, but hr still wanted to get out. It wasn't awkward, its just when he woke up the second time he was gone. Jisung always kept dissapearing. And Minho believed he scared him off. Eye contact is out the window, he avoids me, and now... Minho's heart hurts thinking about it.

"Look, i'm going for a walk to the park before anything. I promise to be back tonight okay?" Minho eased.

He tepped back once more picking up his duffle bag.

Felix still pleaded but it was useless. Chan finally stepped in, pulling Felix aside. Letting Minho slip away with ease. Minho liked Chan, he never really asked questions, but he would step in if he needed to. He would be the sound board for anyone. And knowing he was with Felix made him feel better, only because that meant, Felix wpuldn't try coming to look for him later.

So now here he was roaming the heart of the city, heading into one of the main riverways and parks. How ironic that this felt nice. Going to the one place that Jisung has in common with the damn thing. He chuckled softly to himself.

Walking down the cobbled stairs to the lower canal, he found himself in Banpo Hangang Park. It was relatively large, easily traversed but limited people for once. Most people crowded the tent stands for shade where he simply wanted to be by a tree. A tall oak in all its glory. Embraced by nature. He also didn't to travel hours just to get to the national park, so he took the latter of the two options.

Minho placed his dufflebag down and pulled his satchel out of the bag in process. Once by his side he was pulling out a small I-pod shuffle. The only technology thing he had in his life aside for earbuds that were pooching out soon. Putting on a simple hiphop beat, letting it run in his mind, pulling out sketchbook out.

Minhos sketchbook was his life. There was so much in it. From his daily journalling he would do it if he was depressed, or recalling his traumatized past. Granted this didn't help alleviate the pain he wanted to inflict upon himself but, he promised both Felix and Seungmin. His world practically revolves around them.

The sketchbook held everything. His story, his drawings, experiences. He wouldn't let Felix ever touch it, let alone hold it. The satchel itself was running thin, old and ragged. The strap being held together by a small seam bearly intact and the leather is fading as well.

Flipping his sketch book pages to a blank canvas and grabbing his pencil collections, grabbing a 4H and started sketching a horizon line. He was going to create the horizon base drawing the bridge ahead of him.

He was so engrossed in drawing over and over, every thing that seemed to pass by, whether a small group of kids running in the field ahead, a couple sitting closer to the river  the landscape. His mind just clouded with a sense of freedom. He never noticed the sun beginning to set. He scribbled four drawings, wrote out four different quotes, each one almost being more dark and severe then the other.

Taking one last glance at what he wrote.

Love is never worth it because I saw what it did to my parents...

Lee Minho, you don't deserve a life to live, unless its a life living in hell...

Instead of waiting for Death, theres another way out... Its as easy.

And the last one he didn't dare read again. Closing his book and shoving it into the satchel. He shook his head, driving the thoughts out, sighing heavily standing up to make his way towards one of the fights. A tall tower stood with a digital clock in the park. He found it to say seven-twenty-eight.

Was it that time already?... a small option of going home crossed his mind. Is that was it is tho? Thats right Dal needs snackies. He still had to get her toys as well. But that could wait...

He still felt frustrated... he needed to release his stress. Trap himself in his mind. His feet taking him as if it was auto pilot.

He stood firm stareing at the hub bar atop the actual underground. The gates to the bar is still locked, closed still to the public. Walking to the door he tapped on the door with subtle patterns. Taking a step back he through his hood off his head and pulled his mask down as the door creaked open.

It was like a shadow peeked its way between the door.

"Lee Know?" The gruff voice made Minho still. It sounded hoarse and deep. Not usual from the more softer tone.

"Jae?" Minho replied cautiously. The door slammed before a click was heard and the door swung open. Jaes head popped out looking around  before dragging Minho into the underground. Like claws grappling him forcing him to bind himself to chains.

Like a drug...

It hit Minho...

Old habits truly die hard.