Transitions [SamandColby Fic]

Chapter 5

Colby hadn't been joking when he said he spaced hard.  It was a good twenty minutes after he and Sam had curled up on the sofa and Colby still hadn't tried to surface from wherever he had spaced to.  He just curled into Sam's chest, eyes closed and breathing soft, his fingers twisted into Sam's shirt.  Sam just watched him, and he could feel the soft smile on his face. 

It had been a while since he had had time like this with Colby, since he had really had the chance to hold him, and feel his body weight.  Since their depression had been really bad in high school, really... That was when Sam would pull Colby against his chest after school, and tell him everything would be okay and Colby would do the same thing when Sam's flared up. 

Colby had gained weight since then, his body more substantial against Sam's, no longer the skinny kid Sam had grown up with.  But it was grounding, safe, to feel Colby pressed against him now. 

Brennan had been right.  He had needed the aftercare from that scene as much as Colby had.

He let his fingers trace up and down Colby's back over the blanket.  Sam could see the start of bruises on his shoulders that would bloom all over Colby's back, burst capillaries on the surface of the skin.  His fingernails traced off the blanket, brushing over the skin. 

He didn't expect to hear the breath that Colby hissed in. 

His eyes darted back down to Colby's face, worried about the pain he might find there.  But Colby's face had relaxed already, and he blinked lazily up at Sam.  "Sensitive..." He murmured as an explanation.

"Sorry," Sam murmured back, but Colby shook his head against his chest.

"Wasn't bad..." Colby said, closing his eyes again.  "Just sensitive." And he snuggled closer to Sam. 

Sam blinked a few times, trying to figure out if he had read permission to keep going in that statement.  "Not bad as in... keep going?"

Colby's eyes opened again, and he looked up at Sam.  Some of the floatiness had cleared and that cautious look was back in his eyes.  "If you want to..." he said carefully.

Did he want to?  Colby was still borderline spaced, even if he was talking again.  Sam knew it wouldn't take much to space him again. 

He remembered Brennan's words.

"He'd play with you, you know, if you asked him..."

He traced the sensitive skin with his fingertips again, watching Colby watch him.  He could feel it again, that thickening of the air that came before a scene, tightening like a coiling rope around him and Colby.  "Do you want me to?" He asked Colby.

Colby surprised Sam when he broke into a small grin there.  "Sam..." he shook his head, "There's not much I would say no to right now."

That was what Sam had been afraid of.  Colby was still spaced.  He couldn't know if it was Colby or the space talking.  With more regret than he thought he would feel, he pulled his hand back from Colby's skin, pulling the blanket back up to his shoulders.

The look Colby sent him was full of confusion and hurt and immediately told him that Colby had misunderstood his intentions.  "I uh..." He looked away and started fumbling for words but Sam cut him off.

"No, Colby, it's not..." Sam pulled Colby back into his chest as he started to push himself off, "Colby stop... I want to, but dude, you're high as shit.  I don't want you to do something you might not be okay with otherwise." 

Colby paused, looking back at him.  The confusion cleared from his face to be replaced by a look of incredulity.  "You're worried if I want it?" He asked.