Bouncing off the Wall

Chasing fireflies and zeroes...

*** This is a pretty short chapter, but I promise that the next chapter will make up for this one. (At least, I hope you'll think so). :) ***

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

The rice cooker yelled at me, getting progressively louder the longer I left it untouched. I had dozed off in a standing position as our lunch finished cooking; using the kitchen counter and an open hand against my head to lean on for support. I hadn't realized how tired I was.

I also hadn't realized how much time had passed since I'd started lunch. I had already finished the salsa chicken verde: it was sitting in the oven, staying nice and warm; waiting to be united with the white rice that would undoubtedly complement it so well. This was definitely one of mine and Billie's favorite meals.

Speaking of Billie, I had no idea where he was. He never did come and join me in the kitchen. I figured he had probably got caught up in his writing. That was more than ok with me, because I knew that the potential songs he had cooking in his head were far more special than anything I could ever create in the kitchen.

Still in a daze, I shoveled some rice onto two separate plates, followed by a generous helping of salsa chicken verde on each plate.

"Hey, baby," I called sleepily, poking my head out from the kitchen down the hallway. "Lunch is ready."

No answer. No anything. It was so quiet that I could hear the steam rolling off of our food.

Setting the plates down on the kitchen table, I walked back down to our bedroom. An overwhelming sense of relief immediately flooded my soul and spilled out onto my face in the form of a smile as I took in the sweet sight in front of me.

Billie was completely sacked out on the mound of blankets in the middle of our bed, snoring lightly. He clung tightly to a pillow as he slept; a slow-flowing stream of drool oozing from his soft lips.

As I quietly made my way towards him, I noticed that his arms were covered in goosebumps. Gently pulling out part of the comforter from underneath his tranquil body and draping it over his arms, I placed a soft kiss on his forehead. As I did this, his legs twitched ever-so-slightly. He didn't feel cold, so I wondered if maybe he was just having a really good dream.

I studied him for several moments as he rested; letting the sweet sound of his delicate breathing flood my eardrums. It was the first time I'd seen him look truly at peace in a long time. I was so grateful that he was resting. He needed it now more than ever.

As I turned to walk away, I noticed that his journal had fallen paper-first onto the ground next to the bed. Picking it up, I turned it upright and tried to smooth out the pages that were now bent from the impact of hitting the floor. As I did this, I noticed that he had started a new entry on the page next to his recently-written lyrics.

I started to read what it said, but my vision became overwhelmingly distorted by tears before I could make it all the way through.

Adie...my beautiful baby girl...you are the love of my life. You are my strength...hope...light...and love. You are the reason I hold on. You are my everything. I swear to God...I can turn every emotion I've ever fucking felt into a song...but, baby, the way you make me feel has me at a loss for words. I just can't figure it out. I've tried, but I know that no love song will ever be good enough. I just love you so much...I'm absolutely crazy about you and I'm crazy for you. Everything that I am and everything that I will be...it's all yours...I'm all yours...now and forever. Thank you for being so strong and for loving me through all my ups and downs. I'm so happy you're in my life. I'm a better man because of the woman that you are...I'm a better man because I have you by my side. I appreciate you and everything you do so much. Thank you for rocking my world the last 22 years...and here's to many more. Happy birthday, baby. I love you now more than ever.  Love, Billie Joe xoxoxo

Struggling to stifle my sobs, I let myself fall down against the side of the bed.

Little did he know that every day was my birthday, because every day, I had the privilege of loving him.