Bouncing off the Wall

'Cause we're all bloody freaks, and we'll give you the creeps...

"Fuck, Adie. I want a drink so fucking bad," Billie whispered against my skin; his hot breath sending chills down my spine. On second thought, maybe it was what he said that gave me chills.

I hadn't heard him say that he wanted a drink in a little over three years. There had been a couple of different times he admitted to me that he was craving booze, but he always pushed through the cravings. I was so proud of him. I admired his strength and resilience so much. He could always find something to occupy his mind when a relapse was creeping up on him. I especially loved it when I was the one who could help keep him occupied. We had established an agreement that an awesome orgasm (or two) didn't really have anything on some booze, anyways.

Right now, though, it didn't seem like even I could occupy him. Lord knows I was sure trying, though, as I straddled his small frame at the edge of our bed. His hands fit perfectly in the small of my back, holding me upright. In the mix of tears and warm embraces, my towel had found its way to our bedroom floor and laid there, abandoned. Neither one of us minded.

Despite my resurrected desire, I didn't try to initiate anything sexually. I simply rested myself on his lap, holding him in a warm hug; feeling his every breath on my bare skin. Traces of his Teakwood cologne found their way into my nose as I breathed him in, nuzzling his neck. Even in hard times, I loved moments like this. The intimate embraces we shared together that didn't involve sex were, to me, just as lovely as the ones that did.

I could feel him starting to relax again and it brought me comfort. As we sat there together, I found myself somewhere between wanting to talk through his fears and not wanting to make him upset again. I hadn't seen him cry so much since our boys were born - he cried even more than I did both times before and after their births. Granted, those were happy tears, unlike those that had been falling from his eyes as of late. I just wanted to see him smile again.

"I'm sorry, baby," I whispered, shifting myself backwards a bit to look into his swollen eyes. "I can only begin to imagine how hard this has been for you," I continued, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. "What can I do to help you and support you through this?"

At my words, he inhaled sharply, and for a moment, I feared he would start crying again. I wasn't afraid of him crying because he was only human, and I never wanted him to feel anything but comfortable being vulnerable around me. I just didn't think his eyes could possibly produce any more tears today, and that pained me down to my bones.

He didn't start crying, though. Instead, he pulled me closer to his beautiful body and wrapped me up in a passionate kiss.

Holding my face tenderly in his hands, he smiled at me. "Just stay here with me a while, baby," he whispered. "Don't let me go. I love you, Adie. I'm going to get through this because you're by my side. We're going to see this thing through. Tomorrow is your birthday and we're going to have a great day together. Then, we're finally gonna do this album thing," he said, exhaling as though he was blowing out birthday candles of his own. Running a hand through his curly, black hair, he flashed me a warm, yet anxious smile. "There's nothing else left to do. This is fucking it," he continued, becoming louder as he spoke; almost as if to convince himself that somehow, he was going to be ok. "This is happening, ready or not. I'm as ready as I'm gonna fucking be," he said, his voice trailing off again. "I don't know what I'm so damn afraid of. I guess I just don't want to lose my spark."

I knew he would be ok; I knew it all along. He always was. My baby was so strong.

"I love you, too, baby," I cooed, smiling back at him. "I am so fucking proud of you," I continued, pulling him into me more closely - if that were even at all possible. "You're not going to lose your spark. You're doing what you love. As long as you do that, that spark's going to stay lit. You are so loved and special, Billie Joe."

"Thank you, baby," he responded, warmly. "That means so much to me. I swear to God, I don't know what I'd do without you."

Truth be told, I didn't know what I'd do without him. I'd told him that time and time again, but he'd always deny it; saying that if something happened to him, I could find someone else easily. "What's not to love about you?" he'd always ask. I didn't want anyone else to love me, though. Not now or ever. He was my soulmate. He brought out the best in me.

"And I promise you that you're never going to have to find out, so long as there's a heartbeat in me," I whispered lovingly in his ear.

"I want to be the reason your heart keeps beating," he hummed against my neck, planting tender kisses behind my earlobe between words. "Always."

And he most certainly was.

Suddenly, my stomach growled obnoxiously. He heard it, too. Briefly turning my attention towards the bedroom clock, I noticed it was just about lunchtime.

"Rawr," he giggled into my neck, earning a chuckle from me as well. My stomach was definitely reminding me that it didn't get breakfast this morning.

"Are you hungry?" I asked him, running my hands across his picturesque chest.

"Kinda," he replied indifferently; traces of his soft lips lingering on my neck.

"I'll go make us some lunch?" I suggested, tapping his shoulders like I was playing an imaginary drum set. "You can just stay right here and wait for me," I advised.

"No, babe, I already fucked up breakfast," he giggled. "I'll help you with lunch, ok? Actually, I'll come up in just a sec. I want to finish writing some things down real quick," he continued, gesturing behind him towards his journal.

"No, honey, we fucked around at breakfast," I replied, smiling; leaving a soft kiss on his right temple. This made him giggle.

Giving my bare ass a quick squeeze, he guided me down from his lap to touch the ground again safely.

It was time to go get dressed; though, not before parting my love with one last, tender kiss.