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I always thought that coming to see mum would bring peace to me, that it would make all my worries fade away but now that I stood right in front of her, I wanted to run away.
How do you see your mom gone beneath the ground and find peace in it?
I placed the orchids next to her grave and found that there were already a dozen orchids there. It made me happy that someone took out time to come and see her when I couldn't, that someone stood by her and prayed for her.
Hi mom, I miss you
My legs suddenly gave out, and my body fell to the ground, slamming into the maple leaves that covered the ground.
I had so many things I wanted to tell mum about but now it felt like, I'd end up overburdening her.
Wouldn't it be likely that she already knows everything? She must be keeping an eye on me from above? She probably still loves me right?
I sobbed at the thought. Why does everyone whom I love, leave me?
"M-Mom, am I hard to love? Am I that useless?" I asked, hoping I'd somehow feel the essence of my moms love, the way she made me feel protected. The way she loved me and cherished me.
"When Jane left, I promised her that, I'd make up for her absence in your life and I'm sorry that I failed you Athira." A voice echoed from behind me, it felt familiar yet unfamiliar all at the same time.
I turned around slowly to see Lucas standing beside his mom who was smiling at me with tears in her eyes as she continued, "do you think you can forgive this mom, and come back to her? I promise that I'll protect you with my life and shower you with all my love. Do you think you can come back to that?"
"Aunty, I can't tie my hair, will you do it for me? I know uncle hits you when you come to me, but I really can't tie my hair"
"Of course, I will, come here baby. Don't ever think twice before coming to me for help, I'll handle your uncle, okay?"
Memories flashed in my mind as my breath caught up in my throat, and I sobbed even harder as I ran to Lucas's mother, who embraced me closely and rubbed my back in circles in an attempt to calm me down.
I looked up at Lucas from the corner of my eyes but quickly looked away.
My anger towards him felt like one that would never disappear.
I hated the fact that he caught me being as vulnerable as I was, right now.
"I'm sorry I wasn't able to protect you, Athira. I'm sorry that I failed to find you, I'm sorry you felt unloved. Since the day you were born, I've known you'll be the queen of this kingdom after me and I've always been proud of that. I will always be proud of you. I know you have things to talk about with Lucas, but you're both equally important to me. I'll always stand beside you as your mother Athira, only yours." Lucas's mom said, pulling away a little and holding my face in her hands, "you've grown so beautiful, Lucas was right in naming you, Angel. I have both my kids with me now, this is all I've ever dreamed off"
