ADAPTATION {Spencer Reid x Reader} ||✔️

The Promise

I didn't sleep that night. And because of that, I got to watch as the bruise slowly darkened in the shape of my hand. I winced every time I looked over and saw the darkening hues of blue and purple. She hadn't deserved what had been done to her. And I didn't do it on purpose. I simply just... lost myself.

But I guess that's the theme of my life, right? One could say I do what I do because I 'lost' myself. And I guess I wouldn't argue it. I lost myself every time my mother hit me during an episode. I lost myself when I continued taking Dilaudid. I lost myself when I got arrested. And I lost it all when I made the conscious decision to live a life of crime.

I sighed as I picked up the remote, deciding it was better to watch something on TV than stare at her bruises. We'd managed to make it to Las Vegas, hiding in a shitty motel that asked no questions. Tomorrow, we'd get up early and start again to Mexico.

Tonight, we continue our coverage on the murder in a California desert. I perked up as I heard the coverage, turning it up and scooting to the end of the bed. Officials say three men were killed during a popular music festival this evening. Witnesses say a woman in her mid-twenties was dancing with her boyfriend when a man approached them. They said a fight broke out between the two men when one opened fire. His friends stepped in and that's when they say they, too, were shot. I cringed. The FBI is now investigating, claiming it could be connected to one of their own. So, tonight we ask: will we ever be safe?

"Fuck," I swore as I turned it off. I looked behind me at the sleeping girl in my bed and sighed as I dropped my head into my hands. I'd forced her to kill someone. And now, it wasn't just my hands with blood caked into them. If they found out her name, she'd be pitted against me. They would dangle a lighter sentence in front of her face as a way to get information out of her. And she wouldn't know better. She wouldn't know to not lawyer up right away. She wouldn't know to keep a neutral tone. She wouldn't know. But I guess that's where I come in right? I'm the one that's supposed to teach her those things? That's what I should've been doing instead of choking her nearly to death.

"I can feel the worry from here," her sleepy voice made me lift my head, turning to look at her. She squinted against the lights of the motel as she sat up. She was dressed in my shirt and nothing else. I felt my heart pound in my chest as I looked her over. She deserved better than this life I've dragged her into.

"I just—" I sighed. She crawled to meet me at the end of the bed, sitting in my lap and wrapping her arms around my neck where she played with my hair. My hands rested on her hips and I prayed she couldn't hear the fluttering in my chest.

"My team... they're good at what they do. And when they get your name, they're going to pit you against me. You deserve better than a cold interrogation room where my friends threaten you till you give up information."

She nodded, taking in what I said. Painting a picture for herself. But then she shrugged.

"We've made it this far. You've made it this far. They can throw whatever they want at me, I won't budge. I'll spend the rest of my life in prison before I give you up. Before I let them know what you did."

I looked at her with a confused expression, "Y/N, you can't—you can't ruin your own life to protect me. That's – that's not fair of me to ask of you." Because it wasn't. She was young, very young. She had the ability to walk away from this. She could move on and have a chance at a normal life. Meet the love of her life. Have a family. She could forget about me. About what we did.

"You aren't asking that of me, Spencer. I'll die before I give you up to the people who made you this. They don't deserve my cooperation. Not after what they did to you." Her fingers continued to play with the hair at the nape of my neck. And my heart continued to pound. My stomach filling with butterflies. My body growing warm.

I wasn't sure why she was saying these things, why she would risk her life for me. This entire time I didn't get it. She left her entire life for crime. For me. And I knew I wasn't deserving of it. I wasn't deserving of any good that happened in my life. Because every time anything good happened, bad was right around the corner. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and right now, I knew that would be our capture.

"You don't know what you're talking about, y/n. I made myself into this." I couldn't look at her. I didn't deserve to look at the embodiment of 'good' that sat in my lap.

Her fingers gripped my chin, forcing my eyes on her. I was breathless as I met them. They were filled with softness, understanding, and love. Love. Another thing I didn't deserve, especially from her.

"No, Spencer, you didn't. Look, I don't know human behavior, but I know your behavior. I know that life wasn't kind to you. I know that everyone put you last and made you feel unimportant. I know you struggled with finding where you belong in this life. I know that you were there for everyone and no one was there for you." I felt the tears fall down my cheeks, she was quick to wipe them away.

"I know that I refuse to follow that path. Because you are good, Spencer. You've been made to feel like your life doesn't matter, but I will spend forever proving that it does matter. Because you are deserving of love. And I—I"

I kissed her. Hoping it would stop the mistake she was making. Falling in love with me was a mistake. It would kill her eventually. Suffocate and choke her soul and eventually be her downfall. It would cause her death; just like it had with every other woman who's tried to love me. But I kind of felt like a hypocrite. Because I loved her too. I loved her with every fiber of my being. She couldn't know that.

"Don't say it," I said when I pulled back, sniffling and wiping my face. "Don't say it... it'll get you killed."

She shook her head at me, "then it gets me killed. But I love you, Spencer Reid. And I will love you after we get caught. I won't break. I will never break."

I felt like I was going to pass out. She loved me. She fucking loved me. It could easily be chalked up to a case of Stockholm syndrome. But I knew better. She'd made this choice on her own and she fell on her own. It was some psychological phenomenon; she had fallen in love. And I had fallen just as hard.

"But you aren't supposed to love me."

"But I do. So let me in, Spence. Please." My fingers traced the marks on her neck. How could she love me when all's I do is hurt her? "Stop," she whispered as she gripped my hand, "that means nothing. It was an accident."

"I don't deserve your love."

"And I don't deserve yours."

I blinked at her for a moment. What was she talking about? Of course she did. She deserved the fucking moon. I couldn't believe the goddess in my lap felt she didn't deserve my love. What kind of fucked up reality did I stumble into?

"Yes you do, baby. God, do you deserve it. Please don't ever say that again... please." I begged. I couldn't stand to ever hear it again.

"I won't, so long as you let me in. Let me show you how deserving you are."

"Okay. Okay, I'll let you in. But for now, we both need sleep. We have a lot to talk about tomorrow." She smiled as she climbed off of me, laying back onto the shitty motel mattress and beckoning me forward. I met her at the head of the bed, turning off the light before sliding under the covers. She wrapped herself around me, holding onto me tightly with her head on my chest. She could hear it then, hear how my heart beat for her and her alone.

"I love you, Spencer."

"I love you too, my pet."

I was fucked.