ADAPTATION {Spencer Reid x Reader} ||✔️

The Reid We Knew

Content Warnings: talks of manipulation, talks of murder, interrogation, swearing, Spencer is pretty mean (I think that is all but please let me know if I missed anything!)

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"He is beyond saving. I don't even know why we're fucking trying." I wiped my tears before stomping out of the room. I couldn't look at him anymore. The man that I had loved for fourteen years was gone; replaced with a sociopath who had no regard for anyone's feelings.

"JJ," Luke's hand on my shoulder caused me to turn around, my eyes red from tears. "We're trying because he just lost his way. He was manipulated by the girl he was with."

I shook my head, a humorless laugh leaving my chest, "no. He wasn't, Luke. If anything, he manipulated her. He doesn't care about us. All's he cares about is getting back at us for whatever it is we did to him. He's past the point of saving."

I needed to clear my head. Spencer's word rang inside my mind over and over, breaking me just the same. I didn't ever want him to know how I felt about him. I knew that telling him would hurt him in more ways than I could predict. But I never thought it would drive him to kill?

I was terrified of Will finding out. I'd hid it from him for the same reason I'd hid it from Spencer. Things were too complicated. And I love Will, I swear I do. But not as much as I loved Spencer. And if Will knew, that would be the end of us. And I refused to do that to our children. Henry and Michael deserved parents who loved each other endlessly. Parents who stayed together and got through the bad times. So, I kept it from him. And I didn't feel an ounce of guilt for hiding it, because I knew he hid things from me too.

"Are you okay?" Emily took a seat beside me on the precinct steps, her hand grabbing mine and tangling our fingers together. She always knew when I was spiraling.

I sighed, "No, Em. I'm not." I hung my head in shame that she knew my little predicament.

"You could've told me. You know it would've stayed between me and you; the same way my death stayed between us." She squeezed my hand and I felt my heart rate pick up.

"I was embarrassed. I'm married with two fucking kids and I admitted to loving another guy? Who fucking does that?" I shook my head, "I wasn't risking destroying my family. I got the job done but, in the process, I hurt my best friend."

"None of this is your fault. You know that don't you?" Emilys tone was soft, calming me down the best she could.

"Then whos fault is it? I cant help but feel like I played a role in this. If I would've just helped him when he was struggling, or let him talk, or let him help me. Then maybe, just maybe, all those people would be alive." I ran my hands down my face, "we need to get him to give her up. Garcia hasn't found her?"

"Not yet. But I'm not positive he'll give her up. We need a different strategy."

I wanted to laugh and scream 'no shit' in her face. Obviously, we needed to try something else. But I was stumped on what else we could try. He was smarter than all of us, and if it wasn't for the girl who was dead beside him, we wouldn't even be able to hold him. But even then, there was no weapon and no gun residue on his hands. His prints weren't even on her. So in all actuality, we had nothing.