Little flirt never killed nobody

5

- Ugh, I can't wait till this day is over. - My makeup always suffers because in the morning the only thing I have in my mind is sleep and use the snooze button overwhelmingly often. I was quickly putting some eyeliner and mascara on because I should already be in a car.
- But it's only 8 am. Are you already fed up with me? - Gillian was drinking her coffee and reading a newspaper with pleasure. She's the opposite of me when it comes to getting up and always has fun watching me panic in the morning.
- Quite the opposite. I'd do anything to stay at home with you instead of going to the corporate party. - I grabbed her coffee and took a big gulp.
- Oh, yeah, THE party. Well, I don't know if it's gonna cheer you up but at least you're not gonna be there alone. You'll have Sarah, Cate, Uzo... - Yeah, Cate, that's definitely the right person to spend the entire night with. Especially that my self control is literally nonexistent.
- Yeah, you're right. Maybe I'll survive. But if not then bury me on Lesbos. - I quickly put on my jacket and got out of the apartment before Gillian could say anything.

- Drink it. - Cate and Sarah rushed into my office when I was correcting the script of our next episode. Blanchett was holding a glass of something fizzy and dark.
- What's this? - I investigated the drink closer. It looked and smelled like coke but those two would never be so excited about Coca-Cola. They beset me with a huge grin on their faces, which made me question non-toxicity of that drink even more.
- Just drink it. - Cate put the glass to my lips but I leaned back before anything could be poured into mouth.
- Sarah, what is she giving me?
-Don't you trust me? - Cate said with her characteristic, sexy smirk.
- Is that even a question? - I said jokingly but Cate seemed to take it seriously. She put the liquid on my desk and sat down on a sofa.
- It's just a drink that I made - tequila, lemon juice, and coke. - Sarah explained trying to calm the situation down.
- Alcohol before noon? I'm in.
- That's the spirit! Cate! Join the tequila train!
- I will pass for now. - She hid her face in the newspaper.
- Oh! So you're literally pouring alcohol into my mouth but won't even take a sip yourself? Are you trying to get me drunk, Mrs Blanchett? - Cate was still reading but in her eyes I saw that she was smiling. Even if we cannot be together, I like what we have now. This fun friendship with controlled flirt. I definitely feel something more for her, but it will just stay as my personal fantasy.
- Her loss! I'm in the drunk town now and it's the happiest town I've ever been to. - Sarah swiveled on the chair and the only thought that filled my mind was: What the fuck am I doing with those crazy bitches?

- Fuck, Sarah. You've got me drunk and we're not even at the real party yet. - I was trying to change my clothes in the RV, but due to the huge amount of alcohol in my veins, I've lost my coordination and threw everything off the table. Cate quickly caught me and then helped me clean everything.
- Party is a state of mind, bitch. - Sarah, on the other hand, was definitely in a different place right now. She was dancing, even though there was no music in the room. I didn't question it, mostly because at that moment, I wasn't able to formulate any questions.
- You, mind, help me with this awful dress. - I was trying to dress up but I couldn't reach the zipper on my black, tight dress.
- Me? I would help you if the dress wasn't circling around so fast. Cate is sober though, right, Cate? - Sarah started giggling uncontrollably and Cate looked at her with dread in her eyes. I was about to ask if there's something they want to tell me, but thankfully I bit my tongue and smirked instead.
- Uhm, yeah, sure. - When she got close to me I swallowed hard because I could already see goosebumps on my arms. Slowly, she zipped up my dress and touched my arms smiling at the goosebumps. - You look beautiful. - Our eyes met in the reflection of the mirror. I had no idea what to do, so I looked down, and with a short glimpse, I caught sadness on Cate's face. We stood there for a couple of seconds confused with each other's behaviors.
- Awkward! Okay, move your gorgeous asses, and let's get ready to rumble, bitches! - Thank God, Sarah was there because this moment of silence was unbearable. She smacked us on the butts, and in an absolutely not straightway, got to the door.

Party was boring as always. Half of the people I didn't know and the other half I didn't want to know. Thank God, Sarah was there. She was making us laugh all the time. At some point I hid myself in the bathroom and tried to pass the time. First, I did some makeup touch ups, then I sat on the toilet playing games on my phone. After 20 minutes familiar voice entered the bathroom.
- You have to tell her. Stop playing cat and mouse. I can see that she likes you too. - It was Sarah. I should have left the cabin, but I was too bored to miss some gossip.
- Sarah, I have a family and she has Gillian. What do you think would happen if I told her? We would live happily ever after? - Oh fuck, it's Cate. They're talking about us, fuck, it's too late to get out. But do I really want to hear the truth?
- I don't know, but NOT talking is even worse. I can see that you're hurting. Maybe if you talk to her and tell her that you have a crush on her, you will at least be able to live with it. - For the first time I've heard those words being articulated: Cate has a crush on me. Finally, I have proof that her flirting is more than just having fun. But it doesn't mean that I wanted to learn the truth. Before it was just my fantasy, where I could be safe, now ground is burning below my feet, and I think it's too late to run away.
- To be honest, I don't think she likes me. She is rejecting me on every step, and I would handle it, but the problem is that it's more than a crush... Sarah, I think I love her. - Those words sank into my soul and poured hot lava on it. I felt like I was burning from the inside and changing into a stone from the outside. I couldn't move even though in my mind thoughts were running with extremely confusing speed. Suddenly, a sob pulled me out from the beehive of my fears and panic.
- Hey, hey, don't cry. You'll ruin your makeup... In my opinion, the way she is rejecting you actually shows that she likes you. If L didn't care, she would definitely flirt and joke with you as she does with me. But she cares about both you and Gillian, and doesn't want to hurt any of you.
- Well, that's not cheering me up at all.
- Okay, remember what I told you when I started dating Holland?
- That your fingers grew additional muscles, so now you advanced to the Super Top? - Cate chuckled.
- Yes, exactly! If you decide to switch the teams then you'll become the Super Top! And the power that you will hold... - The voice faded away when they closed the bathroom door. I sat there for a couple of minutes, or maybe even an hour, I don't know. I couldn't bring myself to stand up and if I did I would probably fall, because all of my limbs were shaking uncontrollably. Many people entered and exited the bathroom, but I didn't listen to their conversations, I was still processing what Cate and Sarah said.

- L! - Cate called me from the main entrance. Without looking back I got into the cab.
- 420 Kent Avenue, please. - I quickly said to the driver hoping that he would drive away before Cate could get close. Unfortunately, she knocked on the window and I'm not bitchy enough to ignore the fact that she's there.
- Hey, L! Where are you going? I wanted to dance with you. - Cate smiled at me with the most genuine grin on her face. Sarah gave her a lot of hope, and as much as she said a lot of truth about me, I couldn't let this relationship evolve even more.
- I don't feel well, and I want to go home. - I wasn't looking at her. I didn't want to. I was scared that if our eyes met, I would sob uncontrollably.
-Oh, do you want me to go with you? - Her actions were breaking my heart even more. I wanted to be at home, safe in Gillian's arms.
- No, stay away from me. - My harsh voice took her off guard. Her smile faded away and her hand let the car go.

And the car drove away... At some point, I turned around to see if she's still there. She was there, she didn't even move a step. If my decision was morally right, then why do I feel like shit?