Best I Ever Had [IwaOi Angst]

Chapter 1

THIS BOOK IS WRITTEN BY :FindingSchmomo
Not my work.
All the credits goes to the author. Read Summary.

Oikawa Tooru fiddles with the arm of his seat, flipping it up and down until the sidelong glances from his neighbor make him stop. He leaves it upright, for just a second, before pushing it down and leaving it be finally. His neighbor raises another brow but then ignores him in favor of his magazine. Oikawa purses his lips, drumming his feet a little in the tiny space available for him before the seat in front of him starts.

He had not flown economy class in a long, long time. He marvels at what a difference money can make. He could be sitting in the plushy seats in the front, stretching out his long legs and chatting up one of the cute flight attendants for fun. Although, he hadn't been feeling all that chatty lately. Especially after last night.

He rests his face against his hand and realizes just how long of a flight this would be, and coldness sinks into his very being. He flicks the window beside him open, looking down at New York, tiny specks of buildings in the darkening light. He takes in a breath. There was nothing for him there now. He had sold his condo and all the extra furniture. He had sent in his resignation at the corporation. He had nothing here. He let the breath out.

Well, Ushijima was still down there.

He feels his hand clutch at the arm of his chair and wills himself to relax. Wills that man to no longer have an effect on him. How he had plagued him for years, both on and off the court. How he reminded him of his worst. He grits his teeth and takes another deep breath, plugging his complementary headphones into the socket of his arm rest, desperate for distraction.

What he needs is an in flight movie to take his mind off everything. He did not want to think about what he was leaving, nor, necessarily what he was heading for. He would rather put all that off for later.

He picks some animated kid's movie, hoping the colors would keep him entertained and distracted. He leans back taking another breath, trying to even it out. He glances at his Iphone briefly, hesitating before making the poor decision to swipe at the screen.

It reveals his e-mail draft, the last thing he had opened, waiting to be sent. He reads it over again, for the third time,

"Iwa-chan,

Long time no see! c: I'll be back in Japan in a few days! Let's have lunch.

- Oikawa"

He erases the headline, re-writes "Iwaizumi," grits his teeth, adds a 'chan', frowns deeper and replaces it once again with "Iwa-chan."

How many times has he re-written this e-mail? He remembers the first draft, typed out on his home computer in flurry of tears and regret, fresh from the night before. He wrote out two pages worth of apologies, of explanations, of excuses. And over the course of twenty four hours he had edited it all down to a meaningless two sentences, just to announce to the void that he was back.

He locks his phone and sticks it in to the airplane pocket, out of reach, out of mind.

He would send the e-mail once he landed in the LA Airport during his layover, since he didn't have wifi at the moment. That was the only reason. The thought makes his palms sweat and slip on the arm of his chair nervously.

It doesn't matter. There was nothing he could do about it right now. He just needed to focus on the movie in front of him. There was no point worrying now. No point in anything now. He had already lost.

At the LA Airport, Oikawa stares at his phone while in line for a coffee. He re-writes the e-mail two more times. It now reads,

"Iwaizumi-chan,

I've been busy! And I hear you've been too ;). Anyways, Im coming back to Japan and we should meet up!

-Oikawa"

He licks his lips, looking up when his name is called and grabbing his drink. He takes a seat in the cafe, sipping at his coffee and wondering why he was torturing himself so hard over this.

He replaces "Iwaizumi-chan" with "Iwa-chan" again and locks his phone.

It doesn't stay like that for long, and he soon has it out again, this time fiddling with his signature. He changes it to "Oikawa Tooru" but that seems to formal. "Tooru" is much too casual, too personal. He almost writes out "To-chan" as a joke. Instead, he goes back to "Oikawa". He lets out a shaky breath, puts away his phone and drinks his coffee.

By the time he is seated on his second plane the email has been rewritten another two times.

"I'm back." is all it says. No greeting. No signature. Just two meaningless words in this meaningless world. Two words too little to late. Two words ten years too late.

Oikawa glares at the phone, huffing into the air. The flight attendant passes by, flicking her gaze at him. He does not miss the way her eyes linger, completely used to the attention, but in no mood to toy with her. She smiles at him regardless, "Please turn off all your devices, sir." She adds the title with a little twinkle in her eye. Normally, Oikawa would have smiled back and started to flirt to pass the time. But not today.

Oikawa clicks his phone off and tries to get some sleep. It's restless, but that is to be expected from a plane. Still, he dreams of his condo, of Ushijima, of his bed, of all his past exploits, the faces of men and women flashing in his mind, most of them nameless. And Ushijima again, haunting, and he wills it away but all it brings in his absence is Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi with his stern look, still 18 and fresh after practice. Iwaizumi laughing at his expense. Iwaizumi smiling a rare smile. Iwaizumi as a small child, bug net in his hand, looking at him curiously. Iwaizumi as a pre teen, pimply faced and upset. Iwaizumi as he leaves him, trying his best to seem strong when he's about to cry.

Iwaizumi Hajime.

The best he ever had.

Oikawa wakes up in a sweat to the plane descending, looking out to see Tokyo's buildings sprawling around him. He's groggy, he's sweaty and all he wants is a long bath. He realizes that he's back home and he can finally have an actual bath. It was one of the things he had missed the most during his decade stay in the US. Their showers were so quick and meaningless. Everything empty and meaningless. Two words, empty and meaningless.

He stumbles into the aisle with the other tired passengers, trudging out into the airport terminal. It's about dinner time in Japan and Oikawa is starving, but needs to settle things first. He checks his phone to see if he has any messages. He has some from his parents but other than that, nothing noteworthy.

He knows he should respond to them immediately, thats what a good son would do, but Oikawa is too tired to care, so he grips his phone and heads over to baggage claim. It's there that he sees people being reunited with their families, their friends. Their lovers. He sees one girl race up to her presumed boyfriend, taking his hands tightly as they talk excitedly to each other.

Oikawa loses his appetite.

He grabs his suitcase, flicks his phone on to see the e-mail glaring at him, blinding. He stares at it, transfixed. Reads it over one more time. "I'm back." He clicks edit, pulling up his keyboard and replacing the last word.

"I'm sorry."

Oikawa swallows.

He deletes the email entirely and calls for a cab, keeping his eyes on the ground.

Two words would never be enough. Nothing would ever be enough.