Best I Ever Had [IwaOi Angst]

Chapter 4

Oikawa lies on the hotel bed, glancing at the Tokyo skyline and wondering when this will all sink in. He's home, back where he belongs. He wonders if anyone remembers him, but they must. He's not one to not leave an impact; he's Oikawa Tooru.

He's catching a train in the morning to stay with his parents for a week. He's a bit terrified. Not about seeing his parents. He's excited about that. He'd seen them at least once every two years, for the past decade. They would visit him in the U.S. once he made it clear he was too busy to go to Japan, and plus, he wanted to show them the US anyway!

But he does miss his home and he wonders if his mother kept his room the same or converted it into something else. He doesn't know which would make him sadder, so he decides not to dwell on it. He'll find out soon anyway.

What he dreads is across the street, were the Iwaizumi family resides. He wonders if Iwaizumi still lives there. And then realizes that's idiotic. Because Iwaizumi has clearly moved on. He's gone off and married some beautiful woman and is probably living a successful life in Tokyo and it's no ones fault but Oikawa's. Because he's an idiot and he ruined everything. Or maybe it was Ushijima's fault. But it was definitely Oikawa's fault too.

Oikawa wracks his brain for exactly what Tobio told him that fateful meet up a year or two ago. All he can remember is the fact that Iwaizumi got married. Because the world stopped then, and Oikawa realized that his procrastination had ruined everything. Because the world didn't stop just because he was ignoring it. No, his world kept spinning and got on with his life.

It hurt but he had no right to let it hurt him.

He wonders how long Iwaizumi has been married. How long had they been dating? When did she steal his heart? What was the ceremony like? Is she pretty? Is she kind? Is she smart? Is she good enough for him? Does she deserve him?

He sits up in bed and decides to take a shower because he honestly can't deal with any of this. Not now. And the water will distract him. It will.

He prays that it will.

But it doesn't.

Instead he thinks of Ushijima, and his warm touch, that sends ice through his veins. He hates him, but he hates himself even more. Because in the end Ushijima did nothing wrong, well, except for that last part, but it was all Oikawa really, fucking up every step of the way. Choosing every wrong decision, at every crossroads, until he was left with a dead end in a pit of misery too deep to pull himself out of.

He soaps up his hair, pulling at one of the brown strands, thinking of Ushijima's hands in his hair. He'd always had an obsession with it. He couldn't blame him, he took impeccably good care of his hair. Still, the ace spiker would grab, and tug, and smooth, and fluff. There was rarely a moment when one of his hands wasn't locked in them.

Iwaizumi had never played with his hair. He would d fix a lock back into place occasionally, smack him in the head when angry, smooth down some wayward strands at times, but he would never dig in. It was never a focus. He was always touching his face, kissing his cheeks, his forehead, his eyes, his lips, his neck. And his legs, Iwaizumi adored his legs, that was a fact. He would run his fingers along the pale smooth skin, all the way up to the juncture of his hip, back down to his knee. Each journey made with the lightest of touches that made Oikawa shudder and squirm and--

Oikawa shut off the water, stepping into his small room only wearing his towel.

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, sliding it open,

"Iwa-chan,

It's been too long! But I'm back in Japan and we should meet up! I'm really really sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. I messed up."