Best I Ever Had [IwaOi Angst]

Chapter 5

It takes two months for the novelty of the States to wear off and leave Oikawa feeling like a husk of himself. Everything feels empty. He feels isolated. He can't connect. The things that were so simple at home feel impossible. Class is hard, socializing is hard, life is hard.

Back in Japan, Oikawa was a star student. He breezed through his classes, acquiring the admiration and respect of his teachers and peers. He was always the top student in exams, or at least near the top. He grasped concepts easily and studied late into the night to master them after class. He would pester Iwaizumi as he studied for exams all night, knowing that in the morning he would do fine without having to open a book. Iwaizumi always hated him for that.

Now, however, his usual tactics were no longer working. In class he had to translate the information in his head before even beginning to understand the lesson, and by the time he had a question they had moved on to a different topic. He doesn't know how to catch up, how to struggle this hard. Nothing is coming to him like it used to. He feels frustrated, he feels stupid. He hates it.

Oikawa Tooru was never a genius, but he was also never stupid.

On the court, he has trouble connecting. His entire strategy relies on learning his teammates strengths and weaknesses in order to play them. But he can't seem to learn anything. Sure, his teammates are kind, but it all feels so superficial. He only sees them at practice, and they all seem to be closer to each other than to him. And as a first year, he's spending more time on the bench than anything, and it's frustrating. Everything is frustrating.

He hasn't made any friends. Not any real friends. Just his teammates. The closest one is probably Ricky, who checks in on him every now and then, but Oikawa can tell that the upperclassman just has a crush on him and he doesn't have time for that. He has Iwaizumi. Even if he's leagues away and he just wants to be held sometimes. It's hard. It's frustrating. He hates it.

Iwaizumi is the only person he talks to. Every moment of the day he spends texting him this or that, random thoughts, updates, jokes. He never talks about anything negative. He paints a perfect picture of the perfect life abroad. All the friends he is making, all the points he's scoring, all the classes he's enjoying. It makes him a little sick, but he doesn't want Iwaizumi to worry. And plus, he's good at putting on a mask. He used to be good at a lot of things, but now it seems like that's his only remaining talent.

Even so, he's just texting into the void. When he's awake, Iwaizumi is asleep; when Iwaizumi is awake, he's asleep. And so the days go as Oikawa texts into the void, sleeps, and wakes up to a slew of responses form Iwaizumi. Once a week they meet up at odd hours on skype, but those are getting harder to schedule with midterms on the horizon.

Oikawa hates it. Oikawa hates everything.

He's miserable.

The only thing that keeps him going is knowing he gets to go home for winter break. That he'll get to see Iwaizumi soon and hold him, and hug him, and kiss him, and feel him. He can't wait. He needs it more than he's ever needed anything.

All this, however, changes one mid-November day.

It's their first real match and Oikawa can't bring himself to be excited. He simply goes through the motions. He packs his bags, he rides with his team, he plasters on a charming smile, he gets to his hotel room and he kinda wants to cry. He kinda wants to cry a lot these days. And it sucks. But he holds it in. Takes a deep breath, and heads to the gym for warm up.

He sends a few last text messages to Iwaizumi before he steps through.

k time for my first match. wish me luck ^3^