BUTTERFLIES

CHAPTER SIX

I always woke up before Lena when we had sleepovers. It started out because I was just naturally a slightly earlier riser than her, but over time it became routine for me. I would trace over her eyelids with my vision, counting each eyelash, down her nose and lips. I took the few moments before she awoke to meditate on how grateful I was to have her. And sometimes, I would squeeze my eyes shut against the brightness and try to make my dreams last as long as possible, my dreams of a world where she and I could stay together forever. A world where I wasn't going to a place that no longer felt like home in two months.

Lena always complained about her morning voice and that she looked like a panda because of her "augenringe." But I loved sleepy Lena. The first second you open your eyes in the morning and the last second you close them every night are two of the most vulnerable moments to see someone. It's a time usually spent alone, so to share them felt important to me.

I loved the way she blinked open her eyes, squinting from the sun that illuminated the specks of green in her irises. I loved the way her hair splayed out on the pillow like a halo around her head. I loved how she would cover her face with the back of her hand or curl up to hide and block out the light. I loved her little "good morning" and "how did you sleep?" and I loved the way she smiled when I would lay my arm across her and kiss her shoulder. Everything about sleepy Lena was good, and comfortable. She smelled clean like fresh sheets and her skin was always soft and warm with rest.

This morning in particular, however, Lena woke up before me. I hadn't been able to fall asleep the night before so I guess I had slept in later than usual, because I was roused rather abruptly by the sound of the blinds shooting upwards and sunlight streaming over my face. I felt Lena practically pounce back into bed and onto me,

"I beat you this morning ahahaha!" she said through overeager laughter.

"Ach, Lena, warum" I said back, groggily, turning my face towards the bed.

"Guten morgennnnnn" she said, showing no remorse for her clamorous but brutally cute wake up call. I could hear her smile in her voice and smiled back, but continued to hide it in my pillow.

"How was your sleep?" she asked, wrapping around me and kissing my neck.

"Not good, I couldn't fall asleep for hours," I said, twisting around in her arms to look up at her.

"Damn, I'm so sorry! I'll let you go back to sleep," she said, starting to sit up and away from me.

"Nein, geh nicht! Ich will mit dir im Bett bleiben," I grabbed her hand to stop her from leaving me and stared up at her intently. She looked extra tall from where I was laying in bed.

"Okay, but soon, Ich brauch' Kaffee."

"Okay, fünf Minuten bitte," I curled back up under the covers.

"Ich hätte nie gedacht, dass ich so ein Kaffee-Mensch sein würde," she said, laying back onto the pillow next to me.

"I know, Lena, every day you say that. Every day."

"I know but it's true! I never thought," she defended.

"Oh my god you're so fucking–" I flipped all the way over onto my stomach and silently screamed into my pillow, not finishing my sentence. I physically couldn't handle the butterflies I was feeling for her. One would think that after over a month of butterflies, they would have subsided, but they didn't. Not for Lena, at least. She flopped across my back and ran her fingers through my hair.

"I'm so fucking what?" Lena teased, squeezing my shoulder.

"So fucking–"

"So fucking you?" she laughed.