Destiny »« Bucky Barnes

EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE

The only sound in the room is that of Evelyn's nails hitting the bottle in her hands in equal intervals, the constant rhythmic tapping soothing to her. After the last few rough months, it's difficult to find something that calms her down, something that makes her feel comfortable in the presence of others.

But at the same time, so much has changed. She's changed. She's been restrained before, of course, but life in the Raft is completely different to what she'd thought. A good couple of years in there is enough to make anyone mad; good thing only the mad people are thrown in there.

Even then... there are the times she regrets it. The nightmares she gets ensure that, worse than anything else the world could throw at her, when Bucky's heartbroken expression as she gives herself up flashes constantly before her closed eyelids.

"How are you sleeping, Evelyn? Any better? After all, you did turn yourself in."

Evelyn grits her teeth.

I don't want to be brave or good. I want to be selfish. I want to see what I want and take it, but I didn't... because I understand. I understand grief. I understand pain. I understand loss. And above all I understand that life isn't fair. There are so many things that I want, but I don't take them, because I know it's not what I'm meant to have.

I want to love and be loved. I want to cry with the person I care about. I want to live in peace, finally have peace, but peace isn't real. It never was, and even if I'm wrong it's not ever going to be something humans can achieve. It's in our nature to cause destruction... and mine especially.

I lost my only chance to live a happy life, but I know what I did was the right thing, no matter how much pain it caused me.

But she doesn't say any of it.

"Sleeping like a baby," she comments flippantly, throwing some of her hair back and pointedly glancing at the clock, as if she can't wait for all of this to be over.

Doctor Raynor sighs, eyes flickering down at her closed notebook for a second. "You know, Evelyn, you were pardoned on the account that you attended court-mandated therapy sessions. As you know, you still have your trigger words–"

"Thank you for reminding me. Really, I completely forgot."

"–so until our scientists can figure out how to get rid of them, we have to be sure you won't act out again."

"Is it really a pardon if I'm on house arrest while I'm not here?" she can't help but muse to herself, lifting the bottle to her lips. Except she hesitates just before the contact, then pulls it back down. It's not the same. "I mean, there are at least five soldiers outside, ready to restrain me if necessary. I can't even do the shopping. Hell, if I sneeze then there's someone there with a gun pointed at my face. You might as well put me back on the Raft – at least I had people to make conversation with."

Raynor glances at her notes for a second, and there are quite a lot of them. After all, it was a month ago that the government pulled Evelyn out of the Raft, gave her a court case, another chance. From then, there's been no cooperation from the soldier whatsoever.

"Unfortunately, it's not up to me," she comments at last. "It was Captain America that pulled the strings for your court case."

"Yeah, well, it's ridiculous," Evelyn retorts instantly. "They tossed me in the Raft, but it's only at Sam's request that they give me a case, and then they deem me innocent? Or psychologically challenged, yeah, yeah, whatever," she adds when she observes the look on the therapist's face. "Either way, I shouldn't have to rely on someone pulling the strings in order to get heard."

"I agree. Either way, however, the past is in the past. It's done and dusted now. All we need to do are these sessions now, and it's a step closer to living a normal life again."

"Normal life?" The scoff escapes her lips easily, the woman just looking away. "Don't tell me this is normal life. I've had a taste of it, in Brazil, and this is not it. I have people I need to see."

"And you'll get there," Raynor tells her solemnly. "But we're not going to get anywhere if you don't answer my questions. So I'm going to ask again: how are your nightmares?"

Evelyn just clenches her jaw, unresponsive.

At the lack of response, the doctor finally pulls her pen out, letting it click before scribbling something down, each passing second of the sound resulting in Evelyn tensing up more and more. She doesn't speak, just glaring at the piece of wall directly in front of her.

Slow minutes pass, and Raynor finally speaks. "I took the liberty of calling one of my acquaintances. It's the only thing I can think of to get rid of what's eating at you. I'm going to need more help if we're going to figure out–"

"I'm not a child, and I'd appreciate if you didn't treat me like one," Evelyn cuts in calmly, resting one leg on the other, struggling to ignore the pain in her chest. Maybe if Bucky was here with her... everything would be so much easier. All she has of him is his leather jacket, the one she stole a couple of months ago for the fight and never gave back. The one she's always wearing.

It's only when she hears the sound of footsteps that Evelyn sighs, turning disappointedly to Raynor. That woman is nothing if not efficient.

Instead, Evelyn keeps her eyes glued to her, although addressing both of them. "You know, Doc, I might be forced to come here, but it doesn't mean I'm willing to put up with another shrink. Court-mandated therapy is fine, but peer pressure is not something that's going to get me to open up. You don't deserve my past or my thoughts unless you give me a valid reason. So I'm waiting–"

She finally glances to her right at the figure standing there, only to immediately stop talking at the sight of someone very familiar.

He's standing there in his leather jacket and gloves, hair short and cropped, but instead of his usual passivity he's got something indistinguishable shining in his eyes and the lightest smile on his face, a smile that seems to convey so much. Hope. Relief. Joy.

Evelyn was the only one able to see these emotions in his eyes, after all the years they spent together. She saw them years ago, when he came to her doorstep in Brazil with uncertainty. She saw them when he came back asking for her help with faith. She saw them back in their HYDRA days, full of fear.

It's been two months since Karli's death. Two months since Evelyn turned herself in. Not a day passed without her thinking of him, and not a day passed in the last half of it that she didn't want to walk right out of her new apartment and find him. She didn't even know where he was, though, even if she did manage to escape.

But here he is, right in front of her, not a dream, but real.

He's here.

"Lyn." Bucky's voice is a whisper, exactly like how Evelyn remembers it. Her heart is thumping wildly in her chest, and she can't even drag her eyes away to look at Raynor, to check that this is real, that it's happening, but she knows deep in her heart that it is.

The smile flickers onto her lips for the first time in two months, uncontrollable.

"James."