Survive - Arrow Fanfiction

Chapter Fourteen

Though her lungs are begging for her to slow down, Olivia does not stop running until she reaches the fuselage. For a moment, the only sound she can hear is her heart beating furiously in her ears. Sucking in a desperate breath, her heart sinks as she hears nothing but silence. "Slade?" Olivia croaks out, taking a tentative step towards his bed. The still form on the bed does not move.

Swallowing back a sob, Olivia rushes to his side and collapses to her knees. "Don't you dare die on me," she growls, as she throws the blankets off of him. "Oh thank God," she breathes as she sees his chest moving shallowly.

Olivia clutches the pouch of herbs desperately in her hand and forces herself to stand. Though she aches to stay by his side and hold him, she busies herself with making the tea all the while reminding herself that comforting him now is wasting time. She pours the piping hot tea into one of the steel mugs that they own and hurries back to his side.

Gently placing the tea on the floor, Olivia places her hand on his cheek and calls out his name. When he does not wake, she shakes him gently.

"Olivia," he groans, blindly clutching onto her hand. His grip is surprisingly strong considering his current state. Olivia squeezes his hand as she pushes back his sweat soaked hair.

"I'm here," she says softly, willing herself not to lose it just yet. With a slight tremble in her hand, she picks up the mug. "I need you to drink this for me."

"I'm sorry," Slade rasps, his hand clutching onto hers tightly.

"For what?"

"For not telling you how I really feel," he says thickly.

Tears sting her eyes. "Slade, please just drink-"

"You deserve so much more than me and this place." He struggles to sit up, and Olivia pushes him back down. His eyes focus on her, and they look so dark against his pale skin. With a trembling hand Slade touches her cheek. Despite the urgency of the situation, Olivia leans into his touch, his burning hot skin warming her cool skin. "The moment you stepped into the fuselage, I knew that you would change everything."

"Slade," Olivia begs, her voice trembling. "We don't have time for this." His eyes start to slide shut. "Hey!" Olivia slaps him gently on the cheek, but there's no response.

Unable to bear it any longer, Olivia swears softly and decides enough is enough. She slaps him harder, her heart soaring as his eyes struggle to focus on her. Olivia struggles to lift his head. "Drink this and you will feel better, I promise," Olivia says gently. With a trembling hand she puts the mug to his mouth and slowly tilts it for him to drink.

Only when she feels him swallow does Olivia allow herself to cry.

--

"It tastes like an ashtray, but it gets the job done."

Olivia forces a smile as she tries not to stare at his bare chest. It's astonishing how quickly his coloring has returned, and though he still groans as he sits up, he looks better than what he has in days. His wound is already healing, the infection gone. It's only been a few hours, and though she has first hand experience with Yao Fei's magic tea, Olivia bites her tongue to tell him to slow down as he sits up and places his feet on the floor. She can't help but worry with the memory of his labored breath and his pained groans so fresh in her mind.

But so are the words that he had rasped to her as he struggled to catch his breath. They are teetering on the edge of something, and she has wanted to take the fall with him for weeks, but there's only so much she can do alone if he's unwilling to fall with her.

It was nothing but a fever dream, she tells herself. He was alone and scared and he clung onto the only person who knew him. He probably doesn't even remember what was said. Tears prick her eyes. Olivia turns away from him, eager to be left alone with her thoughts and her nightmares after the colossal fuck up these past three days have been.

"Hey kid," Slade calls. Olivia turns back, struggling to grasp a hold on her emotions. Those dark eyes are a total mystery as he stares at her in a way she cannot name. "You didn't run into any trouble out there, did you?"

She looks away. "No. Nothing happened."

"Kid?"

Olivia bites her lip. She considers lying but he knows her far too well and will only call her out on her bullshit. Those dark eyes stare at her patiently and she's opening her mouth and telling him before she consciously makes the decision to do so.

"T..There was a man, in the cave," Olivia starts off hesitatingly. "H-he said that he was a student, that he washed up on the island after his boat caught fire and he had been captured by Fyer's men. He escaped and I didn't know what to do! He was so pathetic, pleading with me to help him and begging for a chance. He had been tortured Slade, just like me. That was me! Until you taught me to fight, that's how I got by. I begged and bartered with anyone who had the power to protect me."

Unable to meet Slade's intense gaze any longer, Olivia averts her eyes and swallows tightly, her throat suddenly like sandpaper. "I was going to untie him, just to give him a chance you know? I wasn't going to bring him back here. I knew that there was a chance that he was lying, but it seemed like the right thing to do. It sounds so stupid now. But when I got close to him, when I really looked at him, I recognised him. He was there! H-he just stood there when Fyer's touched me. He would have r-raped me if given the chance! I was so mad and I just lost it!"

She sniffles. "I shot him. I didn't even think twice about it."

By the end she's too ashamed to look him in the eye any longer. Self hatred claws at her skin.

"Kid. Olivia, look at me." It takes a few seconds for her to gather up the courage to do so, but when she does she doesn't see any of the disgust or hatred in his eyes that she expected to. Instead she sees understanding, and a few things that she can't possibly read in that impenetrable gaze of his.

"We do what we have to do to survive. Don't ever feel guilt over that. That man deserved far worse than death."

"I shot an unarmed man in cold blood," Olivia whispers. "That's not survival. That's murder."

Slade pushes himself up with a grunt and it takes all of her self control not to step back at his closeness. "Maybe it is murder. But that man would have killed you the moment he had the opportunity to. It's better to be alive and feel remorse than dead and have a clear conscience."

"How do you cope with it?" Olivia demands tiredly. "I don't know how-"

"Kid," he soothes, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. He leans towards her and places a steady hand on her shoulder. "You live with it. It's shit advice, but it's all I've got."

Slade holds her tearful gaze and she has to bite her lip to stop it from trembling. "You scared the shit out of me," Olivia whispers, swiping at her cheek when a tear falls. She's way too exhausted to give a shit about being weak in front of him just this once. The only thing that matters is that he's alright.

Slade puts a gentle hand on the curve of her waist and slowly bends his head and kisses her forehead. She almost reels back in shock. It's such an innocent gesture, yet a flare of heat courses through her. "I'm alright," he says, his voice a tired husk. He goes to move back but Olivia catches his wrist.

"Please stop fighting this," she whispers, her voice filled with torment.

"Olivia," he breathes, his dark eyes sad and conflicted as he meets her gaze. "You have to stop this."

"I can't," she breathes.

"You shouldn't want me," he says, willing her to understand. "I'm not a good man Olivia."

"You are to me," she replies. There is an electric current between them and it's something she has never experienced in her life. How can he possibly fight this? "I don't want anyone else, I want you." Olivia places a hand on his cheek. "Tell me that this feels wrong. Tell me that you don't feel something for me too and I won't ever mention this again."

With no warning, Slade reaches for her and pulls her into his arms, hard and fast and tight against his body. Olivia slides her arms around him and eagerly presses herself into his embrace. His arms are warm and strong on her back as they slide under the thin material of her shirt, slowly travelling up her spine. Olivia shivers. Pulling back, she looks up into Slade's torn face and softly says, "I don't want to fight to survive anymore. I want to fight to live."